Friday's Adventure's

(This post took forever to get up because I was having issues uploading pics from my camera to my computer.)

Today I went to the shop Affordable Treasures in the little town of Parowan to drop off my contract form for a booth/space for the flea market they will be starting there in June. The location is just behind the store where this is this crumbling old courtyard like space with lots of character and loads of potential charm.

You can see the courtyard in the picture here. The little street signs startled me when I saw them. Street signs in Parowan are really that short (about my height, so they are only about five feet or so).

The week before Ancestor Market had closed its doors for good I had mentioned to one of our customers that there was going to be a flea market starting in Parowan. It turns out she writes for the local newspaper and so she ended up writing an article about it...which I certainly encouraged her to do, because I want this to succeed...me being a buff for things like this.

So today when I walked in the door the owner, Phyllis, began thanking me for having mentioned the article to the girl who wrote it. And she thanked me again when I left. :D

I am so excited for this flea market. I have been to very few flea markets and this will be the first one where I'll go as a vendor. It is going to be a ton of hard work to get it together, but it will be worth it, I know it.

Inside Affordable Treasures they also have a little mini deli/cafe space where you can get espressos and panini sandwiches. I ordered a grilled sandwich that was made with a french roll, swiss and provolone cheese, and a sauce made with red bell peppers and think cream cheese. It was delicious. They also have Italian sodas, which I adore. So I will have to go there sometime and order one of those as well. They had an almond syrup so I think I would like to try that one, since I've had Italian sodas made with hazlenut syrup and Love those.

After leaving Affordable Treasures I went to where Ancestor Market used to be to check out what the new resident has done with the place. It is now a little sewing and knitting store called Stichin It Up. And it looks great. I should have taken pic's, but I didn't.

After I got home I decided to get around to doing some sewing I've been wanting to get done. The project I was going to work on I realized I didn't know if the fabric I had for it was pre-shrunk or not, so I washed it and while waiting for it to dry. So instead I worked on making a little vendor's apron to use for the flea market. The fabric I used was originally a curtain valance that I got for fifty cents at the local Catholic Thrift store. I just used the part where the curtain rod would have gone through to put a ribbon which makes it a drawstring waisted apron. And I made it so it has a total of six pockets.

I had no idea what I was doing, and there are some things I would have changed a bit, but I think it worked out pretty well and also turned out pretty cute.

What? Where am I?

Life has been so chaotic lately. The consignment vintage and antique store I've worked at for the past three to four years has finally closed. I had planned to spend the week before it closed organizing things at home so I'd have a place for anything I had for sale at the store that was still around. But I got sick and spent my week conserving my energy to close the store down and haul my stuff out of there. Once I hauled my stuff out of the store I took some it down to a new consignment store in town. It's a great place, but has a different clientele, so a lot of my stuff doesn't fit in there and also wouldn't sell for as much there. After that some of the stuff got unloaded into a storage shed. But the rest stayed in my van as I got sick yet again and had to recuperate from that. I finally have most of it out of the van. Everything is disorganized chaos.

Job hunting has not gone so well...especially with being sick.

I have been doing a bit more writing for eHow http://www.ehow.com/members/dreamsinbloom.html when my brain is functioning. Brain fog has not been much of a symptom with my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but this month it has very much been present. I don't exactly cherish the moments that I have brain fog as I very much come across as a ditzy blond when I do (any maybe I come across as a ditzy blond even when I am more "normal" anyway). But there are worse things in the world and as I said it's infrequent for me so it's not so bad.

I've been researching other online writing opportunities. I am going with the "shared revenue" places first because that helps me gain confidence and skills in my writing. And then I'll have a "portfolio" of my writing should I decide to pursue more freelance stuff.

And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll feel well enough to participate in the new flea market that will be in the nearby town. That will be a great way to help get rid of the extra stuff I have left over at the store.

a little collection

One of the things I collect are vintage Z.C.M.I. hangers. Okay...I only have four of them. But I would like more and keep my eye out for them. I suppose it's partly nostalgia that has me collecting them. Z.C.M.I. (which stands for Zions Cooperative Mercantile Institution) was one of the earliest department stores ever. And is a place most people who are from Utah are very familiar with. But alas it is no more. I will never shop there, or at the shopping mall of the same name, again. Of course, when I was old enough to shop at ZCMI they never had hangers like these...only the plastic kind that I can't imagine anyone every collecting.

I also like the graphic appeal of the lettering. I have one in red, with a formal style lettering, but the letters are playfully not in a straight line. Another with formal lettering but the letters light blue and are more well behaved and stay in a straight line. And two with light blue lettering in a cursive font. I wonder what other types of lettering and colors might be out there.

I like how they look with my denim jackets. I own four of those too, which to me seems like a lot of denim jackets to have, but I love them and wear them all...although there are two in particular that I wear the most...so I suppose it's not too excessive.

I never got around to mentioning that I wrote a tutorial on how to make your own custom fabric tape for Cut Out and Keep here. It's cute and simple, so check it out.

In other news, I just turned 35 this month. It seems strange to think that in just another five years I'll be forty.

More about the Problems of Perfection

How ironic. Even though I was sent a newsletter with a link to this article about perfectionism http://www.sedona.com/perfectionism-and-depression.aspx I did not read it until just now. But it perfectly relates to what I was saying about perfection in my previous blog post.

I like how it says to strive for your best, but not perfection. Or at least, that's the way I read it.

The link above, by the way, is from a site that promotes a great way for working through negative beliefs/thoughts. I don't use that method much anymore as I found I like The Work better. But I'd still recommend it and I do use it still now and then.

The Problems of Perfection

I've been wanting to explore the world of collage art for quite awhile now. I've done just a couple things, like the little wallpaper and bingo card pockets I made awhile back ago. And this one shown here done even before the bingo card pockets. But I didn't get too creative or daring with them. I'm holding back. Intimidated by putting something together. Afraid I won't create anything near like the examples of collage art that I've been seeing on the Internet that I have liked so much. And mostly I'm afraid of wasting my materials...that if I create something I don't like I'll wish that I could reuse the materials in another way. But once the paper and bits and bobs are glued, pasted, painted, etc. in place, there's not much chance of them being used again.

So I have these vintage wallpapers, flash cards, old dictionaries that are falling apart, and lots of other things that would be so good for collage art, that are just sitting around waiting...waiting for me to get a clue that I should not be so scared of messing up. It's a game, it's being playful. It is not about perfection. Whenever I get worried about perfection is when I give up. I slam the door almost always when I know I cannot do things perfectly. I'm not as bad about this as I used to be...but I'm still strongly held back by this. Even if I am just doing something solely for myself. Perfection inspires some to strive for and fulfill their dreams...perfection for me though...perfection makes me a quitter.

Zig Ziglar has a quote, “Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly until you learn to do it well.” That quote has helped free me a bit from paralyzing perfection...the kind of perfection that brings you to the point that you become paralyzed by the wish for it. I had found only two "cures" to that paralyzing perfection. Quit and turn around and distract yourself from what you really want. Or just say, Screw perfection...I'm going to have fun with it and do a poor job...because that's better than doing nothing at all.

I envy those who are motivated and propelled forward by their desire for perfection. But as for me, since that doesn't seem to be an option, I'll propel myself forward with every bit of my imperfection. After all, I am inspired by imperfect things and styles such Shabby Chic, and wabi sabi. And the classic children's book The Velveteen Rabbit where a well loved stuffed animal with its nose rubbed off and its fur all worn discovers it's being loved is more important than being all shiny and perfect.

And collage art itself hardly looks like it is about perfection. It's messy and crazy and eclectic...a lot like me.

I'd rather abandon perfection for something more authentic...something that is more like me.

Now...if I can only remember that. If I can only let perfection fall to the floor, and let it shatter...and I'll pick it's shiny broken pieces up and use it to make a beautiful collage like mosaic that's inspired from my heart and my dreams...and not what I worry other people will think of me.

say...anything...something

All right, it has been almost a month since I last wrote anything so I figured I'd drop by, write a little...even if I have little say.

I am still uncertain whether the little store I've been working at will be staying open. Everything is up in the air.

I keep having weird dreams like I walk *through* a boulder with a door like center that's sort of like quartz that makes so my negative thoughts are taken away. Most of my life I have felt "stuck" and I think the dream signifies that I am starting to feel "unstuck" as a result of working through my negative thoughts.

I feel like major changes are going to be happening in my life sometime soon...I'm just not quite sure what.

I recently decided to try to make a digital collage sheet to sell on etsy. This is a digital picture of images that people can print to make their own collages for art, scrapbooking, etc. So using some old vintage images of French corsets I then created some manila mailing tag images and combined them together so it looks like what you see in the image below. I've sold about four of these so far...some on etsy.com and also on shophandmade.com. I just sold one on etsy last night and have to re-list it. The nice thing about it is I don't have to pack it and ship it. I just email it to the buyer...and they can print it as many times as they like. I think they look cool.

Transferring and Transforming

So lately there have been two main things I've been focusing on.
On the crafty, creative side I've been learning about various methods of transferring an image onto another surface. One method I've tried is simply to print your image onto regular tranparency sheet (like you use for overhead projectors) with an inkjet printer and let the ink dry. Then lay the image onto another surface, and like a rub on decal, use a spoon or popsicle stick to rub the ink onto the surface.

Another idea is to take a photocopy and then use some sort of solvent to transfer that image to something else, but again using elbow grease to rub the image on. Eh, but I don't like most solvents...unhealthy chemicals. So I found out that some people have sometimes successfully used Goo Gone...maybe it's unhealthy to some degree too, but not nearly as bad as xylene. So I tried that with some decent results. But then I read from some Australian site that eucalyptus oil could be used. So I got confused and was thinking that eucalyptus oil and tea tree oil were the same thing...so I tried tea tree oil and found it worked too! (And later read that others have used it as well.) The tea tree oil seemed to work somewhat better than the Goo Gone. And although I haven't tried it, apparently you can use wintergreen oil too for photocopy transfers. Of course, the ink that is used on the photocopy makes a big difference too in how well this will work.

I did this image transfer with a "collage" I made on the computer using a picture of a Victorian woman in a corset and holding a mirror and adding some wings to her. I added the phrase "True Beauty...Is Found Within." The transfer didn't work so well. I was trying the photocopy and Goo Gone method. There were a lot of "swirls" that can't be seen. The face wasn't transferring at all so I put some tea tree oil on the face and so that part is pretty clear now. The rest of the paper was too messed up from rubbing it with a spoon to "save it" by using tea tree oil on the rest of it. Plus, my arms, wrists, and hands were getting tired from holding the paper and rubbing vigorously with a spoon. My left arm and wrist still hurt somewhat even as I type this. But still, I am pretty satisfied with how it turned out. I like it on the rose fabric too.

The other thing I've been focusing on lately is dealing with negative thoughts about my junior high and high school years. This has recently become a necessity because lately just about everyone I know on Facebook and other social websites I belong to is reminiscing about the "good ol' days." And it is not really exaggerating when I say that when they do I have frequently come close to bawling with sorrow or screaming with resentment and rage. It has become hard to remain in denial any longer about how I really felt about those days. I made it through that time perioud by emotionally numbing myself and drowing myself in books.

I know other people had it worse than me back then, but still my own hurt and anger won't be denied anymore. Which is no doubt a good thing. It's time to heal. It may hurt to face it, but it hurts more and slowly poisons me to let it linger...slowly suffocating me as it has over the years. In the past it has always been a dull ache. Bringing it to the surface is sharp and fierce, but facing it is the only way to take it out completely and finally be free of all pain once and for all.

As I transfer images from paper or plastic onto fabric and other surfaces, I think about the images in my mind...the images from high school and junior high school.

I told Asher once that the only way to change the past is to change how you view it. Slowly but surely I am changing how I view my past. So the images transform from something once painful and instead into something that can inspire me and give me strength and courage. Instead of seeing my school years as a time where I was in heartbreaking desolate aloneness, I can instead see myself as safely cocooned until I was ready to start emerging. For honestly, I don't think I was very ready to be engaged socially and otherwise with my peers. And it really probably was kinder for me to not be going to all the parties and dances and proms and other such things when I was so inadequately unprepared for that kind of thing, even though I wished for it and wish for it still.

As I continue to work through the negative thoughts I'm sure I will continue to see the wisdom and find peace in learning and knowing that the way things were then were exactly how they were meant to be in order me to have grown into the very person I am now. My books and imagination fed me and nurtured me during those years. My "numbness" was my "sleep" during that time of "cocooning." And that is a more loving way to view things.

A favorite quote of mine has long been this one by Anais Nin, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." But sometimes I forget that there was a time that I had to remain tight in a bud, or there never could have been a time to blossom. To everything there is a season.

So I am grateful that something has conspired to have everyone seemingly start reminiscing about that time period all at once. Because it has been a great opportunity to look back at the memories that reside within myself in a new more loving way.

True beauty is found when you search within.