eclectic dreams

$25

2010-08-30T09:17:00.004-06:00

Back in 2007 saw the documentary by BYU called Small Fortunes about the subject of microcredit. If you ever get the chance to see it I highly recommend watching it. http://www.pbs.org/kbyu/smallfortunes/index.html

I then found out about a microloan/microcredit setup called Kiva.org.

While not perfect, microloans and microcredit are one of the most successful methods tried for helping people get out of poverty. The repayments of microloans and microcredit are very high, considerably higher than that of traditional loans to businesses. They have an advantage over traditional charity in that people are more likely to be lifted up out of poverty rather than getting just a handout that helps them for a short time, but not usually long term.

So I did my research on Kiva. Looking up online articles including news articles, blog posts, and reviews about them to make sure that they were legitimate, reputable, and that I felt comfortable with them.

I was excited about this way in which I could help entrepreneurs in impovrished or third world countries. The idea of helping entrepreneurs is important to me because I have long had my own dreams of starting a business. To help someone else who has the same dream is awesome. Depending on the part of the world you are loaning to, the loan may even be as small as $5 for someone to start their own business. Most women receiving these loans start their businesses because they want to improve the lives of their children, to feed them and clothe them, and help them to receive education.

So in August 2007 I lent the small amount of $25 to a woman in Mexico looking to expand her business, other lenders joined me to complete the rest of the amount she was asking for. I sent invites out to my friends about it and quickly got emails telling me I was probably falling for a scam.

So I just went about my life as usual. Periodically I would get updates telling of her progress and when she had repaid parts of her loan. And in February 2008 I received notice that her loan had been fully repaid. It was great to know I was able to help this woman and her family. I was then given the choice to receive my money back, or to re-loan it.

It's now four years later. Since it's once again August I find it fitting I have just received notice that another loan has been fully repaid. It has come full circle. That same $25 has now helped four women in four different countries to help them and their families out of poverty. Though it's not a lot I have now loaned $100 through Kiva...but always with that same $25.

So now I am about to search for yet another recipient for that $25 and hope that it will help them achieve their dreams as well, just as it has for these five (yes, I'm including me) women.

Follow Your Own Rules!

2010-08-29T21:25:00.006-06:00

I think this is so cool! I created my first skateboard design using Zazzle.com today!

Here's the link.
http://www.zazzle.com/my_own_rules_skateboard-186973657444045909

There's a story here...

When I was a teenager I really wanted to learn to skateboard. But I didn't know any girls who rode a skateboard. And I was super shy and not doing *anything* to call attention to myself was my own self imposed taboo. (Well, I occasionally let myself dress a little wild. I remember wearing a military jacket and a pair of tall black boots from the 60s that I'd found at thrift stores. But by then I had convinced myself I was so invisible people wouldn't notice what I wore...just what I did.) And I was too caught up in believing I had to "follow the rules" i.e. what I thought others expected of me...and skateboarding was the last thing people expected of me. Everyone always described me as shy, nice, sweet and reserved...not that crazy girl who does things like ride skateboards. I thought I had to live up to the descriptions everyone gave of me, despite the inner angst that I wanted to live a life of something different, something more.

I'm now 36 and a part of me says... "Even though I know there are some women my age who skateboard, they've been doing it a long time and it's probably a little more acceptable for girls/women to skateboard where they live (i.e. California). I'm too old to take it up for the first time now." But then I am reminded of the quote by George Eliot (the pen name of a woman named Mary Anne Evans who wrote under the pseudonym of a man so she could follow her dreams of being taken seriously as a writer) that says, "It's never too late to be who you might have been."

So, maybe someday I'll take up skateboarding. In the meantime, there are other ways in which I'll follow what it says on that skateboard design I created...I'll follow my own rules. I am a thrift store fashion lover. I'm a fan of anime and kickboxing. I love romantic home decor...if it's pink and has roses on it I'm almost certain to love it. I'm eclectic and paradoxical. I now am also a part-time writer, and dabbler as an artist/designer for t-shirts and other things, and I've got plans in the works to start my own dream business that I envision being quirky and cool at the same time.

I definitely don't fit in a box or template of anyone's making...except God's.

Yeah, I'm starting to follow my own rules of how I want to be living.

What you find at thrift stores...

2010-03-31T22:09:00.005-06:00

Isn't it amazing what you can find at thrift stores?
My mom had three floral plates from a trunk her great grandparents. They have no markings so they probably are not something special. But they are pretty. The kind I am attracted to.
So a week or so ago I was at the Deseret Industries thrift store and I spied the plate that you see here...a plate that is exactly like the kind from my great grandparents, except it's in better condition. It's now sitting on the plate rack in my mother's dining room with the original three.
As the in store ads at Deseret Industries would say, shopping there is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you'll get. (Yes, it seems they stole that from Forrest Gump.)

Wild Junk

2010-03-10T23:34:00.003-07:00

Tuesday my friend Stephen and his dad and I went to an "I am running away from home sale." This turned out to be quite an adventure and not your usual yard sale.
The man lived in a double wide mobile home that was being foreclosed on and was selling almost everything inside and outside the house. The place was trashed and frankly filthy...it was the kind of place many of my friends would run away from the moment they saw it.

There wasn't much there I was interested in (although I wish I could have gotten the old dresser and night stand he had inside).
But outside was a pile of stuff that had belonged to someone whose RV had broken down. And he just left what he couldn't take in this man's yard. So this man told us that everything in the pile was free. The first thing I spotted was this odd creature staring out at me from underneath the pile. I did not take him home with me, but I did pull him of the mess so I could take his picture.

While Stephen and his dad went to the shed to look at what was in the shed I started digging through the pile. It was covered in snow. Within minutes my gloves were soaked wet and probably worthless. I took them off...and lost them at some point. But I found, and came home with, the oddest pieces of junk. One of the first things I spied was some groovy looking fabric. I pulled it out and saw that it was a hippie looking shirt from the 60s. One of Stephen's friends is in charge of the costumes for the plays put on at the local university and I knew she needed stuff from that era for the next play they'll be doing. So that was the first awesome score I made.
This pile had the most eclectic mix of stuff. There were drawers of clothings, coffee cans filled with nuts and bolts, spray paint, stuffed animals, electric razors, bars of soap, etc. But I found some "good" junk too.

I found a plastic tray that had lots of vintage buttons (I am so loving these buttons), rocks (including a nice hunk of amethyst crystals...this is great since my dad loves stuff like this) , and just weird things like parts for musical gadget piggy banks (put a coin through and it triggers music...because they're old some of them are dying so the music sounds hilarious when it starts to play). When I got home and sorted through the stuff in this tray I also found a Storm Trooper's head. For some reason I thought that was one of the best things in the tray other than the buttons.

I also got a cool old, metal milk crate (which was handy to carry all the junk I got). There was a vintage lamp (that works). Some neat old tins and oil cans. A very old, gold picture frame. An old colander and bottle opener. And a coffee can full of mini liquor bottles...that aren't old...I have no idea what I am going to do with them. And many other miscellaneous things that I can't recall.

Stephen got a crate full of stuff out of the pile too. But he's more practical than me and ended up with things like paint rollers that were still in their packaging. And his crate wasn't an old, metal one like mine.

Stephen gave the guy five bucks for the stuff we took, even though he said it was free. (Stephen's an awesome guy that way and I was thinking of doing the same, but he beat me to it.)

Now despite the fact that it seems like I picked up a lot of absolute junk, I should be able to sell most of it. The milk crate and the buttons alone made the whole trip and picking through some odd things worthwhile.

It was a totally fun day for an oddball like me.

...In a Flash...

2010-03-05T22:51:00.005-07:00

So, as some of you know, awhile ago I began to be interested in round knitting looms. And I even made my own knitting looms out of tin cans and cotter pins or nails. I even wrote instructions on how to make your own here.

But then I came across a blog here that had instructions for a unique way of making what the author calls flexible knitting looms. These looms are flexible because lack a frame. They are made up of pegs (made from things like ball point pens or cocktail stirrers), beads that are used as spacers, and rubber bands to hold it all together.

In my opinion, based on the ones I made, they are a little bit awkward to use. But still they have their advantages. Including being able to make them any size you want...just add more pegs and you have a larger loom for larger items.

Using the flexible knitting loom idea I made a mini-loom with less than a dozen plastic cocktail stirrers and some hair rubber bands I got at the grocery store, some pony beads from the craft store. I also made one that creates smaller stitches by using nails as my pegs...kinda odd, but it works. And with these mini knitting looms I made a couple "flash drive or Chapstick cozies."

Pictured here is a knit little cozy that holds my flash drive. The cozy is attached to my keys so I hopefully won't lose this one like I did my other one (which I think fell out of my purse).

It's made out of some blue and brown, nubby like yarn that I found at the thrift store and then added an old button to close it and keep it's contents secure inside.

Not only does this little cozy hold a flash drive, but, because of it's small size, it's something that can be knitted up in a flash too.

Hello Again

2010-03-04T15:22:00.005-07:00

Well, it's been almost a year since I last wrote in this blog. And I've been asked to please write in my blog again! So here it is. A bit of an update about what I've been up to.

While last year one of my friend's closed her consignment store that sold vintage, antiques and other things I have since made a new friend who has started a similar store and I am helping her out now and then there too with displays and the like. It is called Aunt B's Treasures and is owned by Barbara Rowland. It's located at 389 N. 100 W. Suite #4 in Cedar City, Utah.

It opened I think in the fall of last year, but she just had a more official grand opening recently that was written up about in a local newspaper that you can see at the left. Things were slow at first, perhaps a bit because of its off the beaten path location, but things seem to be picking up now and there are a lot of neat things in this store.

I have also put a few things on consignment at another new store in Cedar City called Re{cycled} Consign and Design. Although it's small, this is such a cool store. It's more like something you might find at 9th and 9th in Salt Lake City. A photographer name Noelle Reynold's took some really cool pics of the shop and put them on her blog here. http://www.noellereynoldsphoto.com/2009/12/recycled.html (Note the bedsprings hanging from the ceiling in some of the pics.) You can also see more pics at the store's blog here http://recycledconsignanddesign.blogspot.com

I have some pics from both of these stores that I have taken myself that I will hopefully get up sometime soon too.

Friday's Adventure's

2009-05-22T22:30:00.008-06:00

(This post took forever to get up because I was having issues uploading pics from my camera to my computer.)

Today I went to the shop Affordable Treasures in the little town of Parowan to drop off my contract form for a booth/space for the flea market they will be starting there in June. The location is just behind the store where this is this crumbling old courtyard like space with lots of character and loads of potential charm.

You can see the courtyard in the picture here. The little street signs startled me when I saw them. Street signs in Parowan are really that short (about my height, so they are only about five feet or so).

The week before Ancestor Market had closed its doors for good I had mentioned to one of our customers that there was going to be a flea market starting in Parowan. It turns out she writes for the local newspaper and so she ended up writing an article about it...which I certainly encouraged her to do, because I want this to succeed...me being a buff for things like this.

So today when I walked in the door the owner, Phyllis, began thanking me for having mentioned the article to the girl who wrote it. And she thanked me again when I left. :D

I am so excited for this flea market. I have been to very few flea markets and this will be the first one where I'll go as a vendor. It is going to be a ton of hard work to get it together, but it will be worth it, I know it.

Inside Affordable Treasures they also have a little mini deli/cafe space where you can get espressos and panini sandwiches. I ordered a grilled sandwich that was made with a french roll, swiss and provolone cheese, and a sauce made with red bell peppers and think cream cheese. It was delicious. They also have Italian sodas, which I adore. So I will have to go there sometime and order one of those as well. They had an almond syrup so I think I would like to try that one, since I've had Italian sodas made with hazlenut syrup and Love those.

After leaving Affordable Treasures I went to where Ancestor Market used to be to check out what the new resident has done with the place. It is now a little sewing and knitting store called Stichin It Up. And it looks great. I should have taken pic's, but I didn't.

After I got home I decided to get around to doing some sewing I've been wanting to get done. The project I was going to work on I realized I didn't know if the fabric I had for it was pre-shrunk or not, so I washed it and while waiting for it to dry. So instead I worked on making a little vendor's apron to use for the flea market. The fabric I used was originally a curtain valance that I got for fifty cents at the local Catholic Thrift store. I just used the part where the curtain rod would have gone through to put a ribbon which makes it a drawstring waisted apron. And I made it so it has a total of six pockets.

I had no idea what I was doing, and there are some things I would have changed a bit, but I think it worked out pretty well and also turned out pretty cute.

What? Where am I?

2009-05-13T16:34:00.003-06:00

Life has been so chaotic lately. The consignment vintage and antique store I've worked at for the past three to four years has finally closed. I had planned to spend the week before it closed organizing things at home so I'd have a place for anything I had for sale at the store that was still around. But I got sick and spent my week conserving my energy to close the store down and haul my stuff out of there. Once I hauled my stuff out of the store I took some it down to a new consignment store in town. It's a great place, but has a different clientele, so a lot of my stuff doesn't fit in there and also wouldn't sell for as much there. After that some of the stuff got unloaded into a storage shed. But the rest stayed in my van as I got sick yet again and had to recuperate from that. I finally have most of it out of the van. Everything is disorganized chaos.

Job hunting has not gone so well...especially with being sick.

I have been doing a bit more writing for eHow http://www.ehow.com/members/dreamsinbloom.html when my brain is functioning. Brain fog has not been much of a symptom with my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but this month it has very much been present. I don't exactly cherish the moments that I have brain fog as I very much come across as a ditzy blond when I do (any maybe I come across as a ditzy blond even when I am more "normal" anyway). But there are worse things in the world and as I said it's infrequent for me so it's not so bad.

I've been researching other online writing opportunities. I am going with the "shared revenue" places first because that helps me gain confidence and skills in my writing. And then I'll have a "portfolio" of my writing should I decide to pursue more freelance stuff.

And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll feel well enough to participate in the new flea market that will be in the nearby town. That will be a great way to help get rid of the extra stuff I have left over at the store.

a little collection

2009-04-06T17:48:00.005-06:00

One of the things I collect are vintage Z.C.M.I. hangers. Okay...I only have four of them. But I would like more and keep my eye out for them. I suppose it's partly nostalgia that has me collecting them. Z.C.M.I. (which stands for Zions Cooperative Mercantile Institution) was one of the earliest department stores ever. And is a place most people who are from Utah are very familiar with. But alas it is no more. I will never shop there, or at the shopping mall of the same name, again. Of course, when I was old enough to shop at ZCMI they never had hangers like these...only the plastic kind that I can't imagine anyone every collecting.

I also like the graphic appeal of the lettering. I have one in red, with a formal style lettering, but the letters are playfully not in a straight line. Another with formal lettering but the letters light blue and are more well behaved and stay in a straight line. And two with light blue lettering in a cursive font. I wonder what other types of lettering and colors might be out there.

I like how they look with my denim jackets. I own four of those too, which to me seems like a lot of denim jackets to have, but I love them and wear them all...although there are two in particular that I wear the most...so I suppose it's not too excessive.

I never got around to mentioning that I wrote a tutorial on how to make your own custom fabric tape for Cut Out and Keep here. It's cute and simple, so check it out.

In other news, I just turned 35 this month. It seems strange to think that in just another five years I'll be forty.

The Problems of Perfection

2009-03-11T00:11:00.006-06:00

I've been wanting to explore the world of collage art for quite awhile now. I've done just a couple things, like the little wallpaper and bingo card pockets I made awhile back ago. And this one shown here done even before the bingo card pockets. But I didn't get too creative or daring with them. I'm holding back. Intimidated by putting something together. Afraid I won't create anything near like the examples of collage art that I've been seeing on the Internet that I have liked so much. And mostly I'm afraid of wasting my materials...that if I create something I don't like I'll wish that I could reuse the materials in another way. But once the paper and bits and bobs are glued, pasted, painted, etc. in place, there's not much chance of them being used again.

So I have these vintage wallpapers, flash cards, old dictionaries that are falling apart, and lots of other things that would be so good for collage art, that are just sitting around waiting...waiting for me to get a clue that I should not be so scared of messing up. It's a game, it's being playful. It is not about perfection. Whenever I get worried about perfection is when I give up. I slam the door almost always when I know I cannot do things perfectly. I'm not as bad about this as I used to be...but I'm still strongly held back by this. Even if I am just doing something solely for myself. Perfection inspires some to strive for and fulfill their dreams...perfection for me though...perfection makes me a quitter.

Zig Ziglar has a quote, “Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly until you learn to do it well.” That quote has helped free me a bit from paralyzing perfection...the kind of perfection that brings you to the point that you become paralyzed by the wish for it. I had found only two "cures" to that paralyzing perfection. Quit and turn around and distract yourself from what you really want. Or just say, Screw perfection...I'm going to have fun with it and do a poor job...because that's better than doing nothing at all.

I envy those who are motivated and propelled forward by their desire for perfection. But as for me, since that doesn't seem to be an option, I'll propel myself forward with every bit of my imperfection. After all, I am inspired by imperfect things and styles such Shabby Chic, and wabi sabi. And the classic children's book The Velveteen Rabbit where a well loved stuffed animal with its nose rubbed off and its fur all worn discovers it's being loved is more important than being all shiny and perfect.

And collage art itself hardly looks like it is about perfection. It's messy and crazy and eclectic...a lot like me.

I'd rather abandon perfection for something more authentic...something that is more like me.

Now...if I can only remember that. If I can only let perfection fall to the floor, and let it shatter...and I'll pick it's shiny broken pieces up and use it to make a beautiful collage like mosaic that's inspired from my heart and my dreams...and not what I worry other people will think of me.

say...anything...something

2009-03-07T15:08:00.004-07:00

All right, it has been almost a month since I last wrote anything so I figured I'd drop by, write a little...even if I have little say.

I am still uncertain whether the little store I've been working at will be staying open. Everything is up in the air.

I keep having weird dreams like I walk *through* a boulder with a door like center that's sort of like quartz that makes so my negative thoughts are taken away. Most of my life I have felt "stuck" and I think the dream signifies that I am starting to feel "unstuck" as a result of working through my negative thoughts.

I feel like major changes are going to be happening in my life sometime soon...I'm just not quite sure what.

I recently decided to try to make a digital collage sheet to sell on etsy. This is a digital picture of images that people can print to make their own collages for art, scrapbooking, etc. So using some old vintage images of French corsets I then created some manila mailing tag images and combined them together so it looks like what you see in the image below. I've sold about four of these so far...some on etsy.com and also on shophandmade.com. I just sold one on etsy last night and have to re-list it. The nice thing about it is I don't have to pack it and ship it. I just email it to the buyer...and they can print it as many times as they like. I think they look cool.

Transferring and Transforming

2009-02-11T22:42:00.007-07:00

So lately there have been two main things I've been focusing on.
On the crafty, creative side I've been learning about various methods of transferring an image onto another surface. One method I've tried is simply to print your image onto regular tranparency sheet (like you use for overhead projectors) with an inkjet printer and let the ink dry. Then lay the image onto another surface, and like a rub on decal, use a spoon or popsicle stick to rub the ink onto the surface.

Another idea is to take a photocopy and then use some sort of solvent to transfer that image to something else, but again using elbow grease to rub the image on. Eh, but I don't like most solvents...unhealthy chemicals. So I found out that some people have sometimes successfully used Goo Gone...maybe it's unhealthy to some degree too, but not nearly as bad as xylene. So I tried that with some decent results. But then I read from some Australian site that eucalyptus oil could be used. So I got confused and was thinking that eucalyptus oil and tea tree oil were the same thing...so I tried tea tree oil and found it worked too! (And later read that others have used it as well.) The tea tree oil seemed to work somewhat better than the Goo Gone. And although I haven't tried it, apparently you can use wintergreen oil too for photocopy transfers. Of course, the ink that is used on the photocopy makes a big difference too in how well this will work.

I did this image transfer with a "collage" I made on the computer using a picture of a Victorian woman in a corset and holding a mirror and adding some wings to her. I added the phrase "True Beauty...Is Found Within." The transfer didn't work so well. I was trying the photocopy and Goo Gone method. There were a lot of "swirls" that can't be seen. The face wasn't transferring at all so I put some tea tree oil on the face and so that part is pretty clear now. The rest of the paper was too messed up from rubbing it with a spoon to "save it" by using tea tree oil on the rest of it. Plus, my arms, wrists, and hands were getting tired from holding the paper and rubbing vigorously with a spoon. My left arm and wrist still hurt somewhat even as I type this. But still, I am pretty satisfied with how it turned out. I like it on the rose fabric too.

The other thing I've been focusing on lately is dealing with negative thoughts about my junior high and high school years. This has recently become a necessity because lately just about everyone I know on Facebook and other social websites I belong to is reminiscing about the "good ol' days." And it is not really exaggerating when I say that when they do I have frequently come close to bawling with sorrow or screaming with resentment and rage. It has become hard to remain in denial any longer about how I really felt about those days. I made it through that time perioud by emotionally numbing myself and drowing myself in books.

I know other people had it worse than me back then, but still my own hurt and anger won't be denied anymore. Which is no doubt a good thing. It's time to heal. It may hurt to face it, but it hurts more and slowly poisons me to let it linger...slowly suffocating me as it has over the years. In the past it has always been a dull ache. Bringing it to the surface is sharp and fierce, but facing it is the only way to take it out completely and finally be free of all pain once and for all.

As I transfer images from paper or plastic onto fabric and other surfaces, I think about the images in my mind...the images from high school and junior high school.

I told Asher once that the only way to change the past is to change how you view it. Slowly but surely I am changing how I view my past. So the images transform from something once painful and instead into something that can inspire me and give me strength and courage. Instead of seeing my school years as a time where I was in heartbreaking desolate aloneness, I can instead see myself as safely cocooned until I was ready to start emerging. For honestly, I don't think I was very ready to be engaged socially and otherwise with my peers. And it really probably was kinder for me to not be going to all the parties and dances and proms and other such things when I was so inadequately unprepared for that kind of thing, even though I wished for it and wish for it still.

As I continue to work through the negative thoughts I'm sure I will continue to see the wisdom and find peace in learning and knowing that the way things were then were exactly how they were meant to be in order me to have grown into the very person I am now. My books and imagination fed me and nurtured me during those years. My "numbness" was my "sleep" during that time of "cocooning." And that is a more loving way to view things.

A favorite quote of mine has long been this one by Anais Nin, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." But sometimes I forget that there was a time that I had to remain tight in a bud, or there never could have been a time to blossom. To everything there is a season.

So I am grateful that something has conspired to have everyone seemingly start reminiscing about that time period all at once. Because it has been a great opportunity to look back at the memories that reside within myself in a new more loving way.

True beauty is found when you search within.

My day today

2009-02-07T22:00:00.004-07:00

Ah. Despite a bad start to the day because my vehicle wouldn't start so I was ten minutes late to work...Today was a great day for sales at the store I work at and where I sale stuff on consignment too. The morning was busy with customers. I sold lots of suitcases of mine to a lady who like me is a suitcase fanatic. I still have a fair amount of suitcases left though.

Other customers also bought a lot of other bits and bobs of mine. As well as buying lots of other stuff from other consignor's there too.

So it was quite a very pleasantly surprising good day of sales. I hope for some more like that.

When things got slow I took a moment to goof off by putting on this adorable vintage hat that is for sale there now and taking a pic. It's not the most flattering picture, but decent.
You can also see my fingerless gloves that I wear because my hands are always cold. They're smudged with dirt from the vintage and antique things in the store. It always seems clean in the store...until I start moving things around.

But I didn't goof around for long. With all the stuff that sold I had to find new places for all the things that were displaced.

I had a fun day.

I Wish It Would Rain Down...

2009-02-04T19:45:00.007-07:00

Maybe it's a funny to thing to remember in the beginning of February when it's still cold in Utah and there is snow on the ground outside...but my thoughts are drawn now to times I would go out and dance in the rain in the spring and summer.

I remember times when in the middle of the night I would realize it was raining. And I'd open my basement window, push out the screen, and crawl out onto the wet grass. And there in the backyard, in bare feet and wearing a nightgown, I would dance and spin as the rain came down.

It was my moment of freedom, my moment of solace, my moment of being absolutely true to me. No cares in the world, no worries about what other people were thinking of me. It was just me with the night and the rain and the grass. I belonged there.

There was only one time I can recall where I did not dance in the rain by myself. And that was with my friend Kim (and a guy named Todd?). I don't know how it started, but I somehow suspect I was actually the instigator. I know I was at Kim's house with a bunch of her friends and the rain was pouring down outside. In fact there was rain and thunder too. Somehow Kim and I ended up on her lawn in the pouring rain while the rest of our friends watched on, questioning our sanity. The gutter was flooding with water and we splashed around in it, soaking our jeans. Rain glistened in our hair and on our skin. At last we had enough of our fun and walked up to the porch. I still remember the way her mom looked in shock as she opened the door and saw her daughter, and as she stammered in an almost child like voice, "K-Kimmy, you're-you're all wet! I-I-I don't like it!" I thought it was too funny.

That night is probably one of my favorite memories I have with a friend. Again in that moment I had no cares in the world and no worries about what other people were thinking of me. I knew they thought I was crazy and I didn't care. I was in love with life and that one other person was sharing that joy with me. We had joy and fun and total freedom. We belonged in that moment to the rain and the night and the lightning and thunder. We belonged not to others good opinions of us...but we were in a place, a moment, of belonging.

I want to remember that I don't need rain to obtain those kinds of moments again. It is not something that comes with the change in the weather...it comes from a place from within.

Let the rain fall down
Everywhere around you
Give into it now
Let the day surround you
You don't need a reason
Let the rain go on and on

Tuesday's Projects

2009-01-27T23:38:00.006-07:00

I went back to being creative and making things again.

Tuesday's project was making a pair of yoga pants (long shorts) based on this tutorial here. I made mine out of a large D.A.R.E. t-shirt. Not bad considering I was very confused most of the time. I want to do another pair...and have it come out better than these. The t-shirt was a bit warped from being washed, so I had to "make it work." (I so will never be on Project Runway to hear Tim Gunn say those words to me personally.)

But they're kinda cute, neh? And they're my first real t-shirt reconstruction project. And a somewhat complicated one (for me) at that.

After that the nerdy, but still creative, side of me came out. And I hopped onto the computer and made a virtual reality 3d soda bottle with a 3d creation program called Blender. It needs some tweaking (for one thing it goes through the hand of the avatar/person holding it). I could make it an object that just sits on a table. But it's not bad considering a year ago when I tried to use Blender I could not make heads or tails of the program and truly felt like my brain had been blended when I tried to use it.

And that sums up my creative endeavors for the day.

Keeping Your Keys Covered

2009-01-26T19:34:00.003-07:00

I've just been making two kinds of covers for keys.

First I was looking at those plastic covers that covers the top of the keys. And I started to wonder if I could make some myself. When I saw some that were made of leather stitched together I knew it could be done, so I made two practice versions made of felt. They need some adornment, but they turned out well enough...and very simple to make.

The next one is a key cozy. I saw some on a Japanese crafting website and thought it was pretty interesting. So I decided to make my own, but again I turned to using felt to make it easier.

I don't know how the Japanese use these, but this could be worn as a "necklace" or around your wrist, or loop around your purse handles...or just toss in your bag.

I posted a how to tutorial on how to do the key cozy here.

Lamp Revolution Evolution

2009-01-25T19:16:00.005-07:00

So one of the thrift stores in town is closing until they can find another place (probably looking for more affordable rent). Although I rarely find anything to purchase there I thought I'd check it out since things were on sale. I thought I was going to leave with only a packet of vintage trim for sewing, when I suddenly spied this floor lamp in a jumble of junk in a corner. (I wish I had a better picture of it from the side.)

I snagged it for $1. Now honestly I'd be scared to try to use it for a lamp. So thankfully that isn't what I intended to use it for. I removed the cord. And I tried to remove the area that the light bulb and lampshade would go into...but it wouldn't co-operate so I left if for now. I may try to remove it again later if I can think of a way to do it so it will look less like a lamp.

Because now...it is a place to hang skirts and shirts that we have in the store. It's too short for the dresses and nighties. But it helps out a lot. And hopefuly it's unique in a good way?

Sneeze Some Happiness On Me!

2009-01-23T12:29:00.006-07:00

One of my sister's was telling me about this study she read about while in the doctor's waiting room. Basically it said that happiness could just be a bit contagious. http://articles.latimes.com/2008/dec/05/science/sci-happy5

The study found that knowing someone who is happy makes you 15.3% more likely to be happy yourself. If your friend has a happy friend it increases your odds of happiness by 9.8%, and even your neighbor’s sister’s friend can give you a 5.6% boost.

Shigehiro Oishi, a University of Virginia psychologist who studies the causes and effects of well-being, said the importance of geography was a profound finding. Although we are connected with friends and family members who live far away via cellphone and the Internet, these results indicate that there is nothing like a face-to-face interaction,” Oishi said. “We are told to get connected by cellphone companies, but in order to get connected you really have to live close by and interact face to face.”

They say they don't understand the reasons why you might be more likely to be happy if your friends and family are. But I personally believe that a happy friend can effect our thinking in positive ways. We might for example think, "If they can have fun and be cheerful during hard times maybe I can too." "Seeing them be happy reminds me to not take life so seriously." Or, "They have such confidence in me that I can follow my dreams...maybe they're right." And so on.

While I've basically been a loner most of the time and not hung out with happy friends that much I think I caught a teeny little bit of the happiness bug from exposure through reading books and listening to audio books of happy and positive people such as Zig Ziglar, Brian Tracy, Tony Robbins, Iyanla Vanzant, and tons of others in the "self-improvement" or positive thinking, etc. field.

But still I frequently lack that face to face connection that would increase my chances of exposure to this happiness bug.

You know probably the best way to catch anything contagious is to hang around a group of pre-schoolers. And since they seem to be a pretty happy bunch I bet they're just full of the "happiness bug." ;)

Pillowcase Skirts - Re-do and Vintage Dress

2009-01-15T18:10:00.009-07:00

My pictures of the pillowcase skirts I made and of the vintage dress were so bad I decided I had to take advantage of the somewhat warmer weather and redo them. So the mannequin and I went outside (this time she was wearing a cropped tank top of mine that I used to wear when I did kickboxing that I had forgotten about) and had a little photoshoot. The pics still aren't great, but are an improvement.

Since pics on etsy work best if the pictures are square as the thumbnails are automatically cropped to a square shape, I decided to fill in a lot of the extra space on the sides with text and such. And it was fun to be a little more artistic by doing that...it reminds me a bit of a pic in magazine this way...although I guess it's really not.

If you look close you may see the wall looks a little funny because I fudged that with The GIMP (a program similar to PhotoShop)...the wall isn't that big in real life, so it was duplicated in order to help make the image square and not a rectangle.

I didn't do that with the picture of the vintage dress though. I do have another picture of it close up that is cropped to a square though, so at least that one shows up to better advantage on etsy.

But overall the lighting is better. And the background is better sort of (you can see the light colored fabric better against this blue than you could against the white I used before)...and it looks kind of rustic rather than like just blah regular walls with some patches of paint that does not quite match (which I never really noticed until I photographed the wall).

Hopefully it will help these items sell faster.

So that's what I did today. Fun. Now I'm off to a meeting I'd rather not go to, but I'll be dutiful and go do it anyway.

She's creepy...really creepy...but cute stuff follows...

2009-01-12T20:04:00.004-07:00

I bet you didn't ever suspect that I have been keeping a body without arms and legs stuffed in a black plastic bag hidden away in a storage unit. Okay, so the body is just a mannequin. But a pretty creepy mannequin at that.

This may have been a better post for Halloween. But I brought the body out for the first time in over a year so I can take some pics of clothing items to sale on etsy.com.

I found this mannequin a few years about for $7.50 (I remember because the price tag is still on the back of her head) at the Catholic Thrift Store in town. She's not in the best condition. And her head had been painted white. And someone had also painted make-up and eyes on her with things like finger nail polish. So she was very garish and even more creepy than she is now. Well she looks most creepy when in the garbage bag. So maybe she wasn't as creepy back then.

I got her so I could use her to sell clothing on eBay (which I've only done a few times). Someday I plan to paint her, or maybe decoupage her with something like old dictionary pages (she'd be a smart mannequin then)...but I'll wait until warmer weather to do that.

In the meantime, I'll dress her up in pretty, floral skirts that remind me of spring.

If I put a shirt on her it hides the skirt that I'm trying to photograph, but being a little prudish I couldn't leave her top half naked, so I put one of my old bras on her (she fills it out better than I do). But I'm not being so prudish that I'm being embarrassed to show my bra to everyone on the internet here on a mannequin. Go figure. (Will future employers find this someday and hold it against me?)

So these are some pillowcase skirts I made that I just listed at my etsy shop. The pictures are terrible, but they're better than the first ones I took (the macro was turned on so the first were blurry).

My favorite shown here is the one with the little blue flowers. I'll be listing one more pillowcase skirt tomorrow (which is the prettiest one, pink, romantic, and girly it is). And also I will be listing a couple vintage things I have that I've decided to let go of (a quaint empire waisted dress and a sexy nighty).

Well, wish me luck that these will sell.

To See, Even In This, Light

2009-01-12T01:43:00.004-07:00

Tonight I was working through one of my negative thoughts with one of my friends. I say work "through" because it seems at times as if I go through it, and it's over, I've traveled past, it is no more.

So afterwards I wrote down about how peaceful I felt. And then these words came to me, asking me to write them down (that experience you hear writers speak of so often, that the words, or the character, or story "asks" to be written down)....so here they are...

"When I want peace I look to my negative thoughts...I bring light to them and expose them as the lies they really are...and a lie exposed to light can only transform into truth and become light."

This is probably the most peaceful thought that I ever wrote in my entire life.

In science they have learned that energy can never be destroyed. It can only be transformed into something else, such as another type of energy or into matter, for example.

I believe our thoughts and emotions are energy too. And they cannot be destroyed...they can only be transformed into something other than what they were before. So many times healing doesn't take place because we are taught that things like hurt and anger are bad so we push it down and hide (because we don't know what else to do with it) and we pretend that it is no longer there. "I'm fine. I don't care." So I find it magical during those times when I can bring that hurt or anger forward into the light, and bring love to it, breathe onto it to bring the spark and glow of love that is hidden inside into a small ember. To see it transform, for the light to grow and transform and become larger. To become hope, a seed of hope, and then to grow into love.

Mmm...mixing metaphors. I'm tired and it must be time to sleep...a warm, peaceful sleep.

Game of Love?

2009-01-09T23:55:00.008-07:00

Today I tried my hand at creating my first downloadable, digital collage art sheet for people to use in their art collage, scrapbooking, cardmaking, etc. and try to list it for sale at etsy.com and shophandmade.com. I priced it for a teeny bit less at shophandmade since they don't charge me anything to list with them (for now anyway).

The idea for it is based on some vintage Bingo cards I have. But instead of saying Bingo, these say LUCKY, DREAM, ADORE, and SWEET on them instead of BINGO. All four "cards" come on one jpg image 8 1/2 by 11 inch in size.

Kinda cute, neh? Would be nice for Valentine's Day maybe. I'll have to try making some altered art collage or something with them myself.

I have some ink jet transparency sheets that are meant to be used with overhead projectors. I'm thinking of maybe printing this out onto that and doing something creative that way. But I don't know for sure what I'll do. But whatever it is, it will be ingenious, I tell you, or my name isn't Ebenezer...uhm, well my name isn't that...never mind.

From Weirdness to Healthness

2009-01-08T13:00:00.008-07:00

Once upon a time I got sick with mono. And for quite awhile after that (for a few months) I would often wake up and be so physically exhausted and in pain (feeling like I'd been hit by a large truck) that I would literally wonder how I was going to get out of bed just so I could pee. (You become determined enough that you decide to crawl, and you do it slowly.) And I've never been the same since.

When you are someone who begins to have weird health problems that the medical community seems unable to help you with you start being willing to try weird things to get better. It's an act of desperation. It's an act of courage. Sometimes it's an act of faith. It's an act that can also give you empowerment as you take control of your health rather than handing it over to someone else (aka the doctors or anyone else you may have given it over too...including some quacks who got you to try some "bad" weird things for your health). And surprisingly some of these "weird" things actually help where the medical field could not.

Right now I am drinking "flax seed tea." I have no idea whether it will help, but it certainly won't hurt. I haven't strained the flax seeds out, so some of the seeds float to the top as I drink...the heated water has made them slippery. And I am doing some chewing of slippery seeds as well as sipping "tea."

Okay, a lot of the things that I have tried to improve my health that have actually helped really aren't that weird. Improving my nutrition has helped dramatically. Things like taking extra zinc, magnesium, vitamin C, etc. have had amazing results. So it's only kind of weird in that your doctor probably isn't going to tell you to take these things for things like anxiety, sleep disorders, muscle ache, etc. But they might.

I did try a "cleansing program" from Isagenix (yes, the same program which bestselling authors that Jack Canfield of Chicken Soup for the Soul fame and John Gray of Men are from Mars, Women from Venus fame are big advocates of), which always induced what is known in alternative medicine as a "healing crisis" (a sort of "you temporarily get worse right before you get better). And I realized if I were to be on a cleansing program I needed to be on a gentler one. But I have stuck with their "meal replacement drink" because it is so chockful of nutrients that really seem to benefit me. This is what "saved me" and made so I was finally able to get out of my bed after my bout with mono. And everytime I stopped taking their drink (or something equivalent to it in the kinds of vitamins and minerals it has) my health would take an immediate nosedive, almost back to how it was when I first got so sick I could barely move and get out of bed.

I try to get "friendly bacteria" such as lactobacillus acidophilus from things like yogurt...yogurt is considered more normal than it used to be. So in order to be more weird I will also consume such things as Kefir. I also found a really great tasting mint-chocolate bar that has probiotics in it and no milk/dairy. I've even dared try kombucha on a couple occasions. *shudders just a little*

I've done yoga and seen chiropractors and got some good results by doing these. I've learned a little about Ayurveda (the traditional medicine from India) and will do a sort of self massage called abhyanga which is surprisingly very helpful to me and so I should do it more often.

One of the weirdest things I have done that I swear actually helps me is called oil swishing, where you basically swish something like sesame seed oil in your mouth like mouth wash...but for twenty long minutes. I'll be the first to admit that it's really weird. But hey, if it works for me then it's worth it. (I can't believe it does all the things that many people claims it does...but I can't know that it doesn't either.) Almost all oils have anti-bacterial properties (some even have anti-viral properties) which may be one of the reasons why it helps.

Not everything I've done I've done has been on the physical level though either. Some of it has been more on the mental level. I've done hypnosis, visual relaxation techniques, positive affirmation, writing in a journal. Awhile back I started doing something to release negative thoughts/feelings called the Sedona Method which then led to my doing a method called The Work which has led to amazing transformations emotionally and mentally...which then has had an effect on me physically. Letting go of the mental stress (or having the mental stress let go of me) has resulted in my muscles letting go of years of habitual tension. Which frees up so much energy that I'm less tired and able to do other things.

I take time to research the things I try...especially the weirder ones...for things like safety and effectiveness.

It's been an interesting experience over the years, learning and trying new things. Seeing what works and what doesn't. And experience how amazing it is to find something that actually improves my level of health.

I still am not "normal" but I am better. And I believe I am continuing to climb up to better levels. I've always been sick my entire life...for example as a child sore throats were often something I experienced for a week or two almost every month. But it wasn't until I was practically incapacitated in my adult years that I realized how much I took health for granted. I wonder if someday I'll truly experience "good health." But I'm learning to at least appreciate and even enjoy the journey, even if I never completely arrive at that particular destination.

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These...

2009-01-06T04:22:00.004-07:00

When I feel blue, looking at something such as these fabric bolts that I took a picture of from a local store gives me a sense of serenity. I'll browse through blogs, online stores, or home decor magazines for pictures that evoke the same feeling that these do for me. The light pinks and blues, the florals, the toiles...all evoke a tender, sweet, longing, yearning inside me that is somehow comforting.

It makes me feel somewhat like I imagine it would be to float in the clouds and sky. Angelic maybe. All I know it I look at such things and feel peaceful and pure and sweet.
These colors and patterns of stripes and florals, this is heaven to me.

This makes me feel that I am somewhere close to my "house of belonging." The house of belonging is a Celtic metaphor for the body of the soul, or "the deep peace and feeling of safety, joy and contentment found in intimate connections with people, places, and houses." (quoted from Sarah Ban Breathnach.)

Poet John O'Donahue says, "When you learn to love and let yourself be loved, you come home to the hearth of your own spirit. You are warm and sheltered. You are completely at one in the house of your own longing and belonging."

I guess these things are reminders to me, calling me to remember to come home to the house of my own longing and belonging.

So Fake...

2009-01-05T22:31:00.007-07:00

I've been thinking a lot about how it seems more and more common for people, especially girls, to accuse others of being "fake" and to be really ticked off at others for being fake.

When I first started hearing girls calling others "fake" if you were to ask me if I thought I was fake I would have thought, "No I'm not fake." But through self-reflection, digging down and examining my thoughts, and scrutinizing my motivations and intentions for why I do certain things...I'd have to be honest and say...yes, I am fake.

I always knew I wasn't being fully "authentic" or "true to myself" but never equated that with being fake...but if you aren't being authentic or true to yourself...then how can you be anything else but fake?

So I wanted to write a funny and entertaining account about how I've begun to realize how fake I also can be....but as I tried to give examples of ways I've realized I can be fake it only began to deteriorate into a "poor me" and "pity me" kind of thing. :)

Hearing me whining about something I am the cause of isn't very entertaining. Well, I can't promise to be entertaining, but at least I won't whine (much).

Basically it boils down to this...

Underneath a sweet, nice, quiet girl image that I apparently subconsciously like to project (although I probably at times make the conscious decision to be that way too)...I am selfish, loud, and overtly obnoxious and extremely annoying.

I do *a lot* of things subconsciously to hide the fact that I am obnoxious and annoying. In fact, deep down I feel I could just be the most obnoxious and annoying person you have ever met. If you know me you have probably caught glimpses of my obnoxious self, but you may have little inkling to the true extent of my obnoxiousness.

I also have a secret longing to be loud. Very loud. I'm louder than I used to be. But there have been many occasions that I spoke so softly no one ever heard a word I said, all in order to project a nice girl image. Being loud relates to the obnoxious and annoying aspect of me that I hide with my fake self. Oh how I long to let loose and just be one of the loudest and most obnoxious people you have ever met.

Another thing I've discovered that I hide with my fake self is I am a jerk.

I discovered this in what I think is an interesting way. I've heard it said that if there is something you dislike about someone, it's probably something you dislike about yourself that you are not admitting to. But also that if there is something you admire about someone, that it is probably something about yourself you have not yet discovered.

So, there was this guy I kept being attracted to. Handsome, and overall a good guy....but I also kept being really annoyed by him at times, thinking, "This guy can really be a jerk!" So I decided to use this as an opportunity for self-discovery and self-improvement and tried to see where I too was being a jerk to others and didn't like that about myself. But I wasn't really getting anywhere, although doing this sort of exercise has helped me a lot in the past to diffuse negative feelings. Until it finally dawned on me that this was something I secretly was *admiring* about this guy...not something I entirely disliked. Part of me was actually Jealous that this guy was so comfortable about being a jerk.

A part of me would like to discard my carefully constructed"nice girl" image (which is not to say "who I a really am" is a mean girl, but I do subconsciously put on an exaggerated nice girl act) and not go through the anxiety of having to watch every single word I say, not tiptoe around other people's feelings at the expense of my own, to not worry that my sense of humor is going to offend someone, etc, etc, etc.

And gosh darnit, I'd really like to stop hiding the selfish aspect of myself. To stop feeling like if I eat a second helping of at dinner or having a second piece of desert that everyone is going to be mad at me, and cry endlessly at my utter selfishness.

So when you look at me, please be aware that I too am fake. It's not just those girls you see on America's Next Top Model that try to fervently point out how fake the other is, while never recognizing how they behave in the exact same manner. Or those high school girls that you look back upon in your memory with hurt in your heart. Or those guys you've dated over the years (or if you're a guy, the girls you dated). I'm as fake as any of them. The only difference may be that I am telling it to you straight, rather than insisting I am not.

They say the first step to changing any problem is to admit to it. So there it is. And hey, I did it with only a little bit of whining about poor me. ;)

Maybe the next time we meet I'll be a little less fake. And maybe you'll be willing to put up with some of my obnoxiousness, because at least it will be authentic.

New Year's Day Transformations

2009-01-01T23:46:00.001-07:00

So today one of my sister's and I continued the theme of New Year's day being one of change by playing a unique board game called The Transformation Game. This is a game that helps you gain insight, solve problems, reflect, and so on. You start the game by choosing an issue in your life that you want to focus on, whether it be relationships, finances, your spiritual growth, etc. This becomes your "playing focus." And as you play you draw cards that may say various things and you ponder how it may relate to your playing focus.

I was really sleepy, so I didn't get as much from it today as I have from other times. But still I received some insight as I pondered over things. It's a fun way to look at your troubles as it puts it into a game format, so they don't seem quite so intimidating as they otherwise might. And it's really interesting what associations your mind can come up with when faced with some words a card drawn at random gives you. It's a creative process that unblocks you from the stuck thinking you've been in.

I believe there are actually "life coaches" out there who use this game as a tool to help their clients achieve their goals.

We also ate pizza and more Hagen Daz ice cream and cherry limeade soda. I think I consumed more sugar yesterday and today than I did at Christmas.

Anyway, it's been a good start to a New Year.

New Year's Eve Contemplations

2009-01-01T02:54:00.002-07:00

New Year's Eve in the past few years for me has become a time of quiet reflection. With a pint of Hagen Daz, a notebook and pen, a scented candle, and the daybook Simple Abundance I celebrate quietly and contentedly. I begin by reading the first couple pages of Simple Abundance.

It begins with a quote by Rainer Maria Rilke,
"And now let us welcome the New Year
Full of things that have never been."
And under the entry of January 1st the author, Sarah Ban Breathnach writes, "...learn to embrace the gentle yearnings of your heart...instead of resolutions write down your most private aspirations. Those longings you have kept tucked away until the times seems right. Trust that now is the time...discover day by day how to live them."

It's a good alternative to the usual resolutions that so often are not kept. To write of your dreams...with no feeling the need to kick yourself later for not "sticking to" those things you "should" be doing.

So as the hours got closer to midnight I wrote my thoughts down. What do I really long for? Could I admit it, if even only to myself?

One thing I discovered that I want for myself this year is to have a year of frivolity. Frivolity sounds so selfish. It's just not serious enough, and is too trivial. But I long for more of that frivolous, lighthearted, absolutely not essential, but just downright not taking life and myself so seriously. To be more playful and engage in delightful whimsy. Like having a spring or summer picnic amongst the wild flowers, while wearing a white cotton dress and carrying a white lace parasol, and dancing and twirling around with the butterflies flying around. To let myself do so without worrying about what others think of my being so silly. To open my heart to the sunlight not just without, but also within. That, to me, sounds truly freeing. That sounds like a fresh new year full of things that have never been to me.

A Few Gifts Given and Recieved

2008-12-29T16:03:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd show some of the handmade things I made and gave as gifts. Well, I'll only be showing two things, because I thought I had taken pictures of other stuff I made, but apparently I was mistaken.

These are re-usable shopping bags I made using this wonderful free pattern here http://www.burdastyle.com/patterns/show/261. (If you are into sewing you have to check out this site. It's fabulous.)

I also made matching travel sized tissue covers using this tutorial here. But, alas, apparently did not take pictures...except in my deluded imagination. They're kinda boring to look at anyway, but were simple to make and therefore a nice addition to the shopping bags.

In a previous post I showed a pic of a dreidel plushie I made. I made up a half dozen of those and sent them off to Brooklyn, N.Y. Where apparently they were well received. I got a cute picture in return of some adorable children with some wooden dreidels beside them...and one of my soft plushie ones as well.

Some other things I sewed were also all of the "practice runs" of everything I made as well. Which I am keeping for my own use. Including a couple things I practiced, but never made anymore beyond the just one. I had hoped to get a lot more sewing done and make even more things for people. But a flare up of my chronic fatigue syndrome slowed me down. But I am so grateful that before that flare up my health and energy was far better than it had been in ages. So I really did get a lot more done than I probably would ever have done. And it was nice to feel great for a couple weeks in a row.

Something else I wish I had taken a photo of and gave as a gift (but did not make) was an antique Kodak Brownie camera from 1916. It was not in working condition, as the aperture was broken, but it looks really cool. Great for home decor that will look great with the receiver's vintage suitcase collection I think.

Here are the gifts I received. There's some sewing stuff, including a pattern for a laptop cover from sewswanky.com which is a cool little shop here in Cedar City. With my new rotary cutters and mat I'll be able to whip out more bags like I showed above in faster time.

The little markers are a stocking stuffer (even though we didn't have stockings this year) from Santa (aka, *me*...for the last couple years I've been doing little stocking stuffers that are not candy for our family...but this year it consisted solely of these cute markers).

And on the far left is a gift from my dad. You have to understand that my dad doesn't give gifts usually. My mom picks out gifts and says they're from both her and dad. But this year my dad bought me a gift. They're these aerosol spray cans that can be used with any paint. You just pour the paint in the jar and start spray painting. My dad knows I have a lot of little craft things I've been planning on painting. So this is a pretty nifty and thoughtful gift. And I can't wait to try it out. And it's extra nice that my dad thought of me when he saw these and decided to give them to me.

And now a close up the last thing. I am now venturing into joining the rest of modern society by having my first mp3 player. And best of all...it's Pink! Sweet.

I plan on using it a lot while I am doing my crafts and sewing...and ironing that the sewing requires. It was while I was ironing that I decided I really needed an mp3 player.

I also can now buy music with "IMVU credits" that I've earned from virtual products I've made for the 3D chat world of IMVU. So I don't have to pull out a credit card if I want to buy music online for my mp3. I've bought four songs from there already.

But I'll probably also may be listening to a lot of audio books on there as well. And maybe venture into the world of podcasts too. Who knows.

How to Scare a Guy Away

2008-12-28T13:32:00.000-07:00

I had a guy from one of these social networking sites send me a message and ask me if I was "naughty or nice this year?" I got the impression he hoped I would say I was being naughty.

Here was my reply...

I've become a more, I suppose you could say, philosophical person. So...
I was a person who pondered my thoughts and actions. Where my thoughts and actions caused me to feel bad (also known as "being naughty") I noticed that I was not living in truth. And I could find a way to stop such thoughts and such actions. And doing that was very nice, for me and others. So even when I was being "naughty" I used it as a springboard to make it into something nice. And I looked into what are the lessons to be learned from everything, even the bad things I've done, to see the "blessing" in everything. So everything bad becomes good.

Hmm...the guy hasn't written me back. What a surprise. With a response like that he probably went and ran far away from his computer to get far from me, even if he was hoping for me to respond that I was nice.

So I guess Santa made a check mark against me on the "was naughty" list, not so much for what I said (because it is true, I have been trying to do just that), but because I got a sort of mischievously devious kick out of doing it. :)

Temple Wall

2008-12-18T12:28:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite stores in town that had wonderful home decor has closed.
But I just got an email from the owners saying that they've opened up a new online store focusing on LDS artwork and accessories. And I thought I'd share it since a great many of my friends and family are LDS. :) Most of the artwork is fabulous photography of LDS temples, but they have some other things as well. And they will be adding more.
I'm hoping they'll be adding this one photograph they had in the store of the door knob to the Salt Lake Temple. Somehow the way the picture looked combined with the ways they had it framed just was really beautiful.

Here's the link to their website http://www.templewall.com

And here's a sneak peak of some of what they have.

Hanukkah Cuteness

2008-12-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

When I was a little girl, one holiday season I ended up being given a dreidel. A dreidel is a four sided top that is often played with during the Jewish holiday of Hanukkah.
How a little Mormon girl who was surrounded entirely by Mormon's, and no one of any other religions, ends up with a dreidel as a gift I don't know. But it was a neat toy that I really liked.

It was also one of my first introductions to Hebrew and Judaism (unless you count stories read from the Old Testament in primary/Sunday school). As an adult, about eight years ago I think, I started to have a growing interest in Jewish traditions and art.

So anyway, this year as I've been picking up the art of sewing I decided while looking a lots of holiday patterns and instructions for making all sorts of soft toys, I decided a soft toy driedel would be really cute.

So off I went to search the internet for info on how to do that. To my surprise there wasn't any. But to my even bigger surprise I decided to make my own pattern, and succeeded quite nicely!

Isn't it cute? Okay, it doesn't spin very well. But it's a stuffed soft toy, it's meant to be cute...not useful.

One of my newest friends, Asher, is Jewish, so I plan on making some more of these up for his kids for Hanukkah...and maybe some for him and his wife too. Hey, grown ups can have soft plushie toys too! (Since Asher will probably read this we'll see what he thinks about that...lol.) I know I'm keeping one for myself. :)

I've also posted instructions on how to make these on a crafting website here http://www.cutoutandkeep.net/projects/hanukkah_dreidel_plushie so others can make them too.

Oh, and just in case anyone reading this is looking for more Hanukkah crafts, Ms. Martha Stewart has a few here. (I really liked the wooden driedels covered in glitter to be used for holiday decor.)

A Day Of Gratitude

2008-11-27T10:51:00.000-07:00

I got an email yesterday which had a link to this article
http://www.sedona.com/whatyouhavetobethankfulfor.aspx about a Dr. Robert Emmons who has been studying gratitude and has found that practicing gratitude on a regular and deliberate basis can improve your health, physical fitness, optimism, help you cope with illness, deal with stress and anxiety better, and have better success at achieving your goals, etc.

No wonder I always felt like my life was running smoother when I regularly wrote in my gratitude journal (I'm still meaning to get back into the habit of doing that again).

(Emmons has also written a book called Thanks, which a preview of it can be read here...in fact, I've read just enough that I think I might want to buy it.)

So thankfulness and gratitude aren't just for the day where we bring out the big turkey and all the other yummy stuff. But of course for today I am more aware of taking the time to consider what I am thankful for...

Today I am grateful that for my little sister being able to come down here for Thanksgiving.

I am grateful for a roof over my head. Something that I can take for granted so easily sometimes.

I am grateful for shedding layers of fear, shame, worry, etc. like a reptile or insect might shed its outer skin as it grows.

I am grateful for selling over 200 virtual tea products I created for a virtual world in just two days time. (I know, I'm a nerd.) That's definitely a record. And I am so grateful for the group of women I worked with to make these virtual items we sold in a special promotional event together. To be part of a team that was so supportive and to share in our creative efforts, increase our skills because we had each others input and knowledge shared amongst us, and more.

I am so very grateful that I am overcoming my fear of sewing and of making monumental mistakes when I sew. (I've made three things now...and made monumental mistakes on all three items, but could laugh, smile, or just be at peace about it. Okay, there were times I just got frustrated too, like when I made the same mistake twice, but I didn't blow my head off or turn on the waterworks.)

I am eternally grateful that I opened up my heart to an old high school friend and told her how much she made a Huge positive impact on my life...that she was the catalyst for some of the first real changes I started making in my life. And to see how my telling her so helped her out as well.

I am grateful that I had the energy to make the bathroom all sparkly and shiny, go shopping, and that, even though I was tired, I was able to make my now traditional for Thanksgiving day dessert of panna cotta (an Italian gelatin dessert made with gelatin, heavy cream and vanilla...shown on the left with a raspberry-cranberry sauce), mashed potatoes (that's hard work when you're doing it by hand), and stuffing, and misc. stuff.

I am so grateful that I finally realized how I was badly deficient in magnesium and that now that I've been taking it more reguarly my health is much better.

I am grateful that dealing with negative thoughts also has freed up a lot of energy that had been being channeled towards being tense, stressed, anxious, etc. and so now instead I am less tired than I used to be.

And really...I am thankful for....turkey. How can I not be?

P.S. I wanted to show off our funny little tropical decor twist to our Thanksgiving. We had two kinds of cranberry sauce, rasberry-cranberry and also orange-cranberry, but we didn't want to mix the two kinds up. So we quickly pulled out some little paper parasols and used them to differentiate the two kinds of sauces. :)

Today's Self-Discovery

2008-11-21T13:25:00.000-07:00

Being able to admit I am wrong means I am teachable. I am open.

Instead of being rigid and inflexible and uptight, I instead become open, peaceful...and I gain greater understanding than I would have when before I strongly defended my position and therefore was closed off to a better way of seeing, knowing, and being.

Watermill at Onden

"If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves. Moving, be like water...

Be like water making its way through cracks. Do not be assertive, but adjust to the object, and you shall find a way round or through it. If nothing within you stays rigid, outward things will disclose themselves.

Empty your mind, be formless. Shapeless, like water. If you put water into a cup, it becomes the cup. You put water into a bottle and it becomes the bottle. You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now, water can flow or it can crash. Be water my friend."

~Bruce Lee

The Great Wave Off Kanagawa

Ukyio-e (pictures of the floating world) by Katsushika Hokusai (1760-1849)

Altered Vision

2008-11-14T23:12:00.000-07:00

Cool vintage eyeglasses I found while out thrifting.

"To see a thing uncoloured by one's own personal preferences and desires is to see it in its own pristine simplicity." ~Bruce Lee

How do you view the world? Are your "glasses" rose-colored? Green? Brownish-gray? Perhaps a cheerful yellow, like sunshine? Do they make you see sharper or more fuzzy? Can you really be sure that that the glasses you view the world through make things more clear? Do you wear different glasses on different days? Sometimes seeing the world "this" way...and on another day seeing them like "that" instead.

But more importantly than all that...Maybe someday do you think you could discover that you don't need those glasses at all...and you can take them off and really see the world more clearly? Without artifice to tell you what it really is?

From Falling To Pieces...To Finding Peace

2008-11-13T01:08:00.000-07:00

So today I thought I'd take on a new project. I've been wanting to learn how to sew. I know the bare basics. But frankly, I've been far too intimidated in the past to have a desire to really dabble in sewing. But today I decided is the day I am really going to do it. I picked out what is supposed to be an easy sewing project too. Should only take an hour or two. But here it is many, many hours later (it's now one in the morning and I think I started at four p.m.)...I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, but it's absolutely, completely obvious that I have *majorly, completely, absolutely* botched the whole thing up. It's a mess and needs to be rescued.

But here's the amazing thing. I'm fine. I'm calm. I am almost totally at peace.

This is unusual.

Before learning effective ways to deal with negative thinking I'd either a) have become a blubbering mess, bawling and crying over my frustration at how confused I am, how messed up my little project is, etc. or b) just frustrated, fed up, and giving up. Or a combination of both. If it were the first thing I'd be worse off than the poor little project I'm working on. I'd have fallen to pieces.

Having worked on negative beliefs such as I shouldn't make mistakes, that making mistakes is bad, I'm an idiot for making mistakes, others will dislike me intensely if I make mistakes (lots of illogical beliefs like this one haunted me in the past), etc. has so I am now instead curious about my current reactions. It's so interesting to see me be calm, when in the past I would have been so extremely upset. My reaction is kind of like, "Hmm, will you look at that. I'm not tearing my hair out, wanting to scream or yell (at myself, the fabric, the sewing machine, or any other person or thing). Well, what do you know."

It's certainly a refreshing feeling. Instead of feeling ragged and raw, I feel instead more like I've been spending a summer afternoon relaxing on a porch, sipping from a tall glass of cool lemonade. (I know, odd analogy since it's fall, but there you have it.)

So cheers! Here's to projects falling to pieces and feeling at peace. :)

Dazzled by Zazzle

2008-11-08T01:12:00.000-07:00

Okay, so in an earlier post I was writing about a shirt I made on www.cafepress. Well I decided tonight to start playing around with another online t-shirt site, www.zazzle.com and I have been having sooo much fun there. I still like cafepress, but zazzle is very different.

I took the same image design with the quote "Don't believe everything you think" that I had used at cafepress and put them on a couple things on zazzle (but if you'd like to have that image on other zazzle products I think I have it set up so you can just easily choose what other product you want it on).

But then I created a whole new image..."Once Upon A Slipper" which I've put on a key chain and magnet so far.
And then...I put the "once upon a slipper" image on a pair of shoes! The shoes have to get "approved" first before they can be put up for sale (unlike most of the other stuff). And I think they are so adorable! My first designer shoes! (Yeah, and they're expensive too...so I probably won't be getting a pair myself. I made them mostly for the fun of it.)

Here's a little flash widget thingy showing off the things I've made (I believe it self-updates, so any new things I add will maybe eventually shown on it as well).

create & buy custom products at Zazzle

Okay, I've got to bed...I'm supposed to work in the morning.

Open Source Sewing

2008-11-06T15:17:00.000-07:00

I just found the coolest website. I've heard of open source software, and I know the idea of other things being made "open source" but it had never occurred to me to make open source sewing projects. But that's just what this site http://www.burdastyle.com is. Since I've been getting back into sewing (I still haven't done much sewing yet, but the sincere desire to sew is there...something that frankly startles me to find myself interested in sewing), this is a great find.

I've found an eye mask pattern...I've been searching for something like this for a long time! Yay! At a quick glance it apparently it lacks good instructions though. Still, it's a start.

I also found a hand warmers pattern (aka fingerless gloves), which is great since I have poor circulation at at times which leaves my hands freezing even if the rest of me feels just fine. I've done a couple of these in the past that were basically just a tube shape with a hole in the side for the thumb, but this is a better pattern, as it actually has a section for the thumb instead of just a slit in the side.

I also like this simple top and bottoms for nightwear, which the top could easily be used as a tank top/camisole for day wear as well. Even though this is supposed to be an easy project, for me when I start thinking of making anything that's clothing like shirts, dresses, etc, I start telling myself it's really hard and I can't do it. So here's an opportunity to work on some negative thinking again. And back in junior high school for my sewing class I had to make a nightgown, and it turned out just fine...so there's proof that I shouldn't worry so much.

And even though it's of a slightly higher level of difficulty I like this "Azalea" dress. So if I become ambitious enough and brave enough I might try it too.

Vintage Wallpaper & Bingo Card Pockets

2008-11-05T17:38:00.000-07:00

I spent some time the other day making these two little "pockets" out of vintage bingo cards on one side and vintage wallpaper on the other sewn together. And lace and other bits and bobs used to create a sort of collage art on both sides of the pocket as well. They have lace handles so you can hang them on a doorknob or anywhere else you can hang things, and then tuck things like love notes or whatever you like inside.

Dream Pocket
The first one is my "dream" pocket hanger. On one side is the bingo card with a "price tag" that says "dream" on it, a rose made of ribbon placed within a slide thing, lace, etc. And on the back side is the vintage wallpaper. Glued to it is a little doily folded in half so it forms a little pocket as well, and it has the word "dream" taken from a dictionary page tucked in it, and a paragraph clipped out of a copy of the Simple Abundance book is pasted onto a cute bit of ribbon with pink roses on it, and the word Dream is written on the wallpaper as well.

Dress: A Reflection of Your Mood Pocket
This next one is my "dress" pocket hanger. On one side is a page from the book Simple Abundance with a quote on it. And just underneath is a scoop shaped pocket made from cute pink, vintage wallpaper. Part of an old children's dictionary with the definition for the word dress has been glued onto the wallpaper. And a little rose made from ribbon is glued on as well. Along the bottom is a fringe of pink pom-poms.

On the back side is a bingo card. With clip outs of words and cute images from an old children's dictionary, a bit of ribbon, and little white flowers.

I had so much fun making these that I'm sure to make some more.

Journey Within

2008-11-05T00:56:00.000-07:00

"The only journey is the journey within."
~ Rainer Maria Rilke

I love this photo that my dear friend, Kim Curtis, took of me. It reminds me of the peace I have found when I go within. Whether it's through writing my thoughts down in a notebook or journal, quietly sitting by myself (or with myself as Iyanla Vanzant might say) in quiet contemplation, doing The Work with myself or my friend Mike, or other methods like the Work, spending time with nature, praying, etc. All have resulted in amazing experiences, lessons, discoveries and so much more that have changed and transformed me, helped me to grow and become a better person. It's the best journey I have ever been on.

The unselfishness of giving to oneself?

2008-11-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

I sometimes think I am a selfish person because I don't deliberately seek out ways to serve others. In my church serving others is something that is often emphasized. We have service projects to help those in need (and I rarely participate in these). I often hear my friends say when they have been given blessings that they have been told that in order to be happy they should serve others more.

I feel like I spend a lot of my time serving me. And by this I spend a lot of my time working to grow, nurture, and otherwise improve myself.

This morning though it occurred to me that maybe improving myself *is* a way of serving others. Through improving myself I have felt my heart become more open, I have become more calm, less judgmental (I would have said in the past that I was rarely judgmental, but as Debbie Ford has said, the acronym for DENIAL is Don't Even kNow I Am Lying...opening up to the fact that I Am judgmental was the only way to becoming less judgmental), I am more present and in the moment rather than distracted or daydreaming, etc. I think by these changes of becoming a better person I am better able to serve others in small ways perhaps.

Certainly by having my heart more open rather than closed off to others I can be more loving to them.

A calm person is more soothing to be around than a frazzled one...in fact one's own nerves can become more frazzled when around a frazzled person. So perhaps I can give the gift of a calm presence, and help them discover the calm within themselves by simply being calm myself.

Another change in myself resulting from my working to improve myself is I smile more often. And maybe that smile will have an impact on somebody who is having a bad day, and so maybe in that small way I am being of service to them.

I also find it easier to talk to people in the past. In the past I was so "shy" that I often clammed up when people would try to talk to me. I still do sometimes, but less than I have in the past. And I would act uncomfortable because I was. And basically conversations were often short, abrupt, and didn't last very long. But now I feel a lot more at ease talking with people. I can actually Look at them while we are talking, instead of avoiding their gaze. And I can see how a pleasant conversation with someone can really be all that you need in that moment. A little gift that was perfect because it made you smile and feel *connected* with someone when maybe moments before you felt all alone.

I have learned in my life that sometimes the small things mean a lot. And I shouldn't be so dismissive of them. They say the flapping of a butterfly's wings can change the weather pattern in the whole world. The ability to give a smile, a kind word, a presence of calmness...all gained from focusing on one's self...is it really something I should be so dismissive of after all?

And I do have people I know who say things to me like, "You help me out in ways that you will ever know." And as I look on bewildered because I truly have know idea how I am possibly helping them, I also know that they are speaking the truth from their hearts.

So I'll continue to nurture myself and encourage myself to improve and grow...never knowing how these kind acts to myself may also end up leading to becoming kind acts to others. Maybe this form of selfishly serving myself isn't always so selfish after all.

Perhaps ideally I would also go out and do some more obvious act of serving like making a quilt for someone in need, or bake a casserole for someone who is ill, volunteer at some charity, or things like that. But at least I can also be open to seeing the small ways I serve others as well through giving to myself.

I suddenly remembered this story just now, that a friend of mine has posted on her profile of one of those social community websites, and is also often passed around through email.

An elderly Chinese woman had two large pots, each hung on the ends of a pole which she carried across her neck. One of the pots had a crack in it while the other pot was perfect and always delivered a full portion of water. At the end of the long walks from the stream to the house, the cracked pot arrived only half full. For a full two years this went on daily, with the woman bringing home only one and a half pots of water. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its own imperfection, and miserable that it could only do half of what it had been made to do. After two years of what it perceived to be bitter failure, it spoke to the woman one day by the stream. 'I am ashamed of myself, because this crack in my side causes water to leak out all the way back to your house.' The old woman smiled, 'Did you notice that there are flowers on your side of the path, but not on the other pot's side?' 'That's because I have always known about your flaw, so I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back, you water them.' 'For two years I have been able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate the table. Without you being just the way you are, there would not be this beauty to grace the house.' Each of us has our own unique flaw. But it's the cracks and flaws we each have that make our lives together so very interesting and rewarding. You've just got to take each person for what they are and look for the good in them. SO, to all of my crackpot friends, have a great day and remember to smell the flowers on your side of the path!

So I need to remember that I am a crackpot as well and to appreciate the flowers on my side of the path as well.

photo by jellofishy

Once Upon A Suitcase (or two or three)

2008-11-03T00:02:00.000-07:00

Okay, so as mentioned in another post or two, I love vintage suitcases. Some may say it's an addiction. It all started with just one. A small one. But that's all it took. I brought it home and put some of those reproduction travel labels on it. And I was hooked...hard.

Since then I've even managed to get one of my friends hooked as well. We have very different suppliers though. I usually get my fix at thrift stores. While she's more uptown and will often get hers from eBay. Although she has bought a few off of me as well.

Yep. I'm not just a vintage suitcase addict...I'm a dealer. I sell them to help pay for my own habit when I need a suitcase fix. Even though they're smaller I personally find the little train cases (also called cosmetic cases) give me the sweetest high when I spy one.

Over to the left you can see a pic where the light is being shed on some of my scandalous suitcase activities. Yes it's the truth caught in pixels by a digital camera. The one's shown here are for sale...by me.

One clerk at the thrift store where I'm a regular, after seeing me buy my fifth suitcase from the store in just a few months time asked me, "What do you do with all of these suitcases again?" Another time when I was leaving the thrift store with one of these suitcase finds even the assistant manager, Dan, mentioned that my behavior...constantly purchasing old suitcases...was very "suspicious."

People see me carrying suitcases, always different ones, from the car and into my home, or from the car and into the store I sell them at and they ask me..."Are you going on vacation?"

I've gone beyond just suitcases though. Other cases catch my fancy as well. See in the pic I posted...the little mini brown suitcase on top and which the lamp is sitting on really isn't a suitcase, It's a barware case (probably had a martini shaker and such in it, for making your drinks shaken, not stirred). But it's cute. Cute!? See what a problem this is for me? Thinking cases are cute? It's a serious problem indeed.

But even worse, you may have seen the rusty old tool box in my previous post too. Yes, my habit has spread to old tool boxes as well. I've managed to keep only one of them at home for myself though. The others I'm trying to sell to other fanatics like me. I met another box and cases addict recently and didn't even have to sweet talk her into buying one of my toolboxes. She looked longingly at another as she left the store. I've seen it before. She's a hardcore case addict. She'll be back.

And though I don't own any myself, I've caught myself looking longingly at old steamer trunks and other old chests. There's even an old cardboard footlocker at the store I sell at with a soldier's name stenciled on it with rusty hinges that taunts me sometimes.

In my own room I have a stack of about five of these babies sitting at the foot of my bed (they store my collection of vintage linens. Ah, the vintage pillowcases, the dozens of them I have...uh, that's another story). The suitcases in my room are all blue...blue is a more common color when it comes to vintage suitcases I have found. Or maybe that's just how it is in Cedar City. Brown ones are more popular sellers. Maybe because they give off a more sepia toned, old world, Hemingway vibe. I save the best stuff for my customers. And keep the more common ones for me. Except now and then when I find a sweet one I just can't let go.

Heed my warning and beware the lure of vintage suitcases.

Don't Vote

2008-11-02T00:15:00.000-06:00

Really? ;)

Watch this video. (If you can though don't listen to Borat's last comments at the very end...seriously. Unless you want to hear something perverted...then go ahead.)

My favorite part was the comment about the Baldwin brothers. And hey, was that Will Wheaton?

Halloween '08

2008-10-31T20:10:00.000-06:00

Happy Halloween!

My friend Talisha was nice enough to take a picture of me in this years Halloween costume when I went and visited her at work.

I thought that the green walls would look good with Halloween colors of orange and black and so added embellishments to the pic in those colors even though they don't match my outfit.

I'm calling this look eclectic sweet punk chic. Vintage 1950's prom dress, denim jacket, vintage 1950's spike high heels, hot pink fishnet tights, antique silver mesh purse, and miscellaneous jewelry. Oh, and of course, pink hair (this time I tried something different, I powdered my hair with blush...what you normally put on your cheeks...with okay results. But at least this year I wasn't coughing up pink spit from that horrible hairspray stuff like I did from a previous year.

I went shopping for thrifty treasures wearing this outfit. A lot of people liked the dress. Some liked the tights. And it was pretty fun. But it didn't take long before the very cute shoes became an ultra pain to wear. I usually wear low heels, not high heels, let alone skinny spike high heels. So I wandered all over the store carrying my shoes (getting my feet pretty dirty) as I found the greatest stuff! I am very excited about some of what I found.

So here are some of my Halloween treasures.

First I fount this awesome, rusty, and huge old treasure box...er, tool box. It's full of all sorts of nuts, bolts, a few tools, and lots of...bark. Little bits of bark from a pine tree. Go figure. But because the rusty color is kind of Fall like I may end up using it in the Fall/Thanksgiving window at the store that I will be doing tomorrow to replace the Halloween one.

Then I have all these little goodies. A train case (to those who know of my suitcase addiction you know I am thrilled to have found this). A bag of pink sparkly felt that I have plans for making into something sweet. A tole painted tray of roses. A little wood tote (will probably paint white and line with some vintage wallpaper I have). A little white wood cart that looks like carved tulips (it will look pretty good in the garden area of the store). A vintage Sunbeam mixer with the milk glass bowls. Two old bread pans. An interesting tray. Some really pretty ribbon with purple flowers on them. An old LDS song book. I don't think I'll get the song book back though. My mom got hold of it and is singing songs from it even as I type. :) It has lots of songs she remembers singing when she was a teen. A children's book from the 60's with quaint illustrations. A Final Fantasy VII book written in Japanese. And a book on scrapbooking. And a pair of modern Japanse sandals. (You can't have them Talisha...lol.)

Which Jane Austen Character Am I?

2008-10-31T01:48:00.000-06:00

I just took this quiz and here are my results.

Take the Quiz here!

You are Elinor Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility! You are practical, circumspect, and discreet. Though you are tremendously sensible and allow your head to rule, you have a deep, emotional side that few people often see.

Maybe I should put on my Regency style dress on for my Halloween costume...too bad I do not have a bonnet to go with it.

Or I could go with my previous plan and wear my vintage 1950's prom dress and show my decidedly unsensible side.

Willing to let go of Perfection

2008-10-31T00:15:00.000-06:00

I have been recovering from a disease, a disease for the desire for perfection that results in becoming stuck, frozen, and immobile any time I realize I cannot do things perfectly. In the past I found the easiest way to get unstuck was to turn around in the complete opposite direction as I'd been going in...this could also be known as Quitting.

Yesterday I found another alternative "treatment", an alternative I knew about and sometimes forgot about, but even when I did remember I often did not take advantage of it anyway. And that solution, that cure to my disease that froze me into a state of immobility...is to let go of perfection, to be willing to just get things done even if it means I don't have the beautiful, wonderful, fabulous, looks like it came out of a sweet dream quality, I wish it would have.

This time I was willing to accept the alternative treatment more fully as a friend helped me understand how I reacted when I clung to this disease, why I did, and who I would be without it. (note: here in this post the word disease = unrealistic and/or negative thoughts)

If you've seen my post below about some things I have recently listed for sale on etsy, that is the direct result of learning/choosing how to let go of perfection and be willing to experience that imperfection. I have seriously been putting off this task for months because I knew I could not make the photos, the descriptions, etc. meet up to my "perfect" standard. (Which would probably mean to try to make it look like it came out from a magazine.)

I would love for the pics I took to be better than just in focus and the lighting decent...I would love the pics to be so amazing that you hardly want to look away from them and you itch to buy the items shown. I'll look at other pics on etsy or on some of my favorite blogs or online stores and wish I could accomplish things like they do. And sometimes I try...and then I Freeze! So for the sake of getting things done, for the sake of peace of mind and sanity, for the good of my health, my heart, and the good of my bank account, and so much more, I am willing to let perfection go. I will always strive to improve and do better than before. But striving for the impossible to the point where I make myself sick over it, or I actually lose my job over it (bye bye job writing for a local newspaper because I was terrified of not being perfect), and all the other many ways this disease has impacted my life is just not something I am willing to put up with from myself anymore. I think I deserve better. I think I deserve to have a life. And without "perfection" I think I have a chance of having one...one that is happy, peaceful, and carefree.

So the work I do won't look as wonderful as if it came out of a magazine. But it will be a good job. And it will get done.

The first step is to admit you have a problem. The second is to let it go...

Suddenly etsy...

2008-10-30T23:21:00.000-06:00

I've finally got around to listing a very few things on etsy.com again. (If you're by any chance interested in checking the items out you can click on the pics and they should take you to my etsy shop).

First are some vintage bingo cards and markers that I've managed to successfully sell on etsy before. The red (alright, it's kind of orange), white, and blue coloring makes them fun for any body wanting to use them for an Americana themed collage art.

Next I have some vintage and very kawaii (that's Japanese for cute) hair barrettes, with yellow kitty cats, turquoise strawberries, pink apples, blue stars, and peach hearts. I think they'd be great for someone who's into the Japanese Street Fashion look or any other funky style. or of course you could be normal and just give them to a sweet little girl to wear in her hair.

And last (for now), a funky vintage beaded purse almost just like one I remember from my childhood.

I have a confession to make regarding the beaded purse...the one like this that we had when I was a little kid, only it was bright orange...well I used to pick the plastic beads off of them and chew them...hey I was four or five. I chewed on those little pegs from the "You sunk my battleship!" game too. This may only paritally account for why I am so weird today.

That's all I've listed for today, but there will be more later. In fact, you might see somethings I actually made myself, and not just vintage things. Something more shabby chic like even maybe.

Beauty of Spirit in Clothing

2008-10-29T15:23:00.000-06:00

If you like Christian clothing then you've got to check out the clothing company at www.C28.com. This is probably one of the coolest Christian clothing lines out there that doesn't end up being cheesy, dorky, too cutesy, etc. Their t-shirts and other products are Art (in my opinion) with a message.

I really love this t-shirt shown on the left, with this quote on it, "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you..." - Psalm 42:5-6

And right now they are having a sale on select items (including the tee shown on the left...it's only $10) right now until Saturday. So this moment is one of the best times to check them out.

Now if there were only a Mormon t-shirt clothing that made stuff as great as this (or maybe there is and I just don't know about it).

Don't Believe Everything You Think

2008-10-28T22:03:00.000-06:00

Okay so I'm posting three times in one evening...maybe it makes up for the times I didn't post...or maybe it's just annoying. But I forgot I was going to post this last night and so there you have it.

This was one of my latest projects I did yesterday...

I took one of my favorite quotes, "Don't Believe Everything You Think" ('cause sometimes we get caught in a rut of believing stuff that just isn't so and makes us stuck in our lives) and using this funky font that kinda reminds me of the steampunk style, made it into a graphic and applied it to apparel on CafePress.com.

Although it's just simple text I think it turned out pretty cool.

If you'd like to see the other products it's on (mostly other kinds of shirts) you can see them at
http://www.cafepress.com/QuestionThinker

Cake Love - A Man With Passion

2008-10-28T21:46:00.000-06:00

Reading on one of my dear childhood friends blog about her attempts to bake a cake from a recipe book by Warren Brown reminded me of when I first saw this man who went from being a lawyer to baking cakes being interviewed on tv. I love reading and hearing about people who are passionately following their dreams. Usually I end up reading about women following their dreams of opening their "business of bliss" who inspire me to think maybe someday I can do that myself. But Warren Brown is one of the men who I have heard about that inspires me as well.

So I found his business's website Cake Love and in the "about Cake Love area" of the website I re-read the story of how he started this biz. If you love cakes, or you enjoy hearing stories about those who have dropped living a life of what success is "supposed" to look like based on what the world tells them is success, you might enjoy reading it as well. And well, Warren Brown is pretty cute as well so you can check that out as well. :) http://www.cakelove.com/about_story.php

I <3 Google Reader

2008-10-28T21:26:00.000-06:00

In the past I have always checked my friends blogs infrequently. Although normally at least a little technical savvy, I never could figure out how to "subscribe" to them with the RSS feed thing or any other way that it's possible...okay, I admit I never really tried or I likely would have figured it out. But thankfully one day I was checking out my cousin's blog where she said she was probably the last person on earth to know about Google Reader to help her keep track of the blogs she reads. No Katrine...I was the last person on earth to know about Google Reader. So I Google'd it and in a few moments I had everyone's blogs entered in and I can now check on whether a new blog post has been made as easily as I check my email. So now if you feared I rarely read your blogs you can now fear I will read them far too often.

Miracles of Transformation Do Occur

2008-10-27T15:28:00.000-06:00

One of the books I've been reading is The Gift of Change by Marianne Williamson.
I came across this part here which I really felt summed up a lot of what I've discovered to be true.

"Miracles of transformation do occur, and they can occur in each of us.
Whenever our outer world remains stuck, it is incumbent upon us to look, not outward, but inward. It is a call to find the places in ourselves where we are holding on to old ways--where we blame others rather than taking personal responsibility for our woes: where we judge others instead of blessing them; where we are hard rather than vulnerable and open and kind. These issues hold the hidden keys to unlocking our unsolved personal mysteries. To achieve breakthroughs in the external world, we had best achieve internal ones. For the level of consciousness is the level of cause; addressing problems at their cause means addressing them inside our own selves. Addressing problems only on the level of their effects--in the outside world--is failing to address them deeply at all."

oh, sheep!

2008-10-25T13:05:00.000-06:00

Once again I forgot to check the Cedar City calendar. This place is always full events that I forget about. Such as parades. Which because I forget about them I don't realize I need to leave for work early so I can deal with traffic issues...And not be late as a result.

Today I at least thankfully left five minutes early. Otherwise I would have been held back by over a thousand of sheep plodding along Main Street for probably 20 minutes or more. As it was I just barely missed being surrounded by them.

I was driving along and was startled to see the flashing lights of police vehicles and wondered what was going on. As I got closer I exclaimed, "Oh, sheep!" as I remembered it's the annual Livestock and Heritage Festival. Thankfully I was able to turn on a street to the just right in front of the slowly oncoming cop cars and...sheep. As it was I then had to deal with other vehicles trying to avoid the sheep and was five to ten minutes late. But at least it wasn't the twenty to thirty minutes late it could have been as I watched the multitude of white fluffy creatures move on by. :)

Photo: Watje11

A poster I made...

2008-10-24T00:18:00.000-06:00

I just found out that Rachel Ashwell, of the Shabby Chic business, has a blog on blogger.http://rachelashwellshabbychic.blogspot.com I am happy to add this to my list of blogs to read as I've loved perusing her books in the past.

So anyway, the people in my church found me again. They apparently misplaced me for awhile. I had been called to be on the Enrichment Night Committee over a year ago. (For those that don't know Enrichment Night is a time for women to get together and learn new things, whether it be skills or spiritual things, etc.) But shortly thereafter I never heard from them again and I was never informed of any further meetings beyond the first two or ever asked to help out again. I guess that's what happens when you don't attend church regularly. But apparently there is a new Relief Society presidency and they have promised, or was that a threat :) that they Would be calling me to let me know about the meetings and asking me to help out.

So I present to you the first things I have done for my church's next Enrichment Night activity.
(Name of the ward I go to has been blurred out to protect the paranoid...namely me.)
It's kind of boring, but at least it's also kinda cute. And it was easy to make. I just printed the words out on cardstock of different colors, cut out the shapes, adhere them to posterboard, and put on glitter (the messiest part).

Attitude of Gratitude #1

2008-10-17T19:00:00.001-06:00

It used to be a regular practice of mine to keep a gratitude journal. For many months now I've lapsed from keeping that up. But life always seemed to flow smoother (despite the bumps) and be more pleasing when I wrote regularly. So I thought, for today at least, to write down what I'm grateful for here in my blog.

I am grateful for my health. For the past few years I have struggled with health problems. I've had times that were so bad that it literally took every bit of strength and determination I had to just get out of bed in order to make it to the bathroom, and I'd come back to bed and collapse. Slowly I learned about various nutrition supplements that have helped, but never completely. I've learned to not take my health so much for granted. This past month however I've seen dramatic changes in my health for the better. I still struggle, tire easily and faster than most. But I've accomplished so much in this past month without becoming bed ridden that it's close to miraculous. I am very blessed.

I am grateful for learning about the power my thoughts have upon me. I attribute my better health in large part to learning how to deal with the pervasive negative thoughts I've carried around with me most of my life, that permeated me from my mind and into my body and soul. Robbing me of energy, peace, and good health. I've experienced such dramatic changes in my thinking over several months, and I feel those changes emotionally and physically too. Perhaps I have a long way to go. But if negative thoughts could be weighed I'd say I've lost at least a half ton of negative thinking already. I am extremely grateful to have learned that not everything I have believed about myself and other is true. And that through learning that I have more love within.

I am grateful for letting go of clutter. As I mentioned in an earlier blog post I had a yard sale and took most of what was left over to the charitable thrift store, Deseret Industries. Every now and then, in this society since many of us tend to gather more than we need, it's important to let go. It's a time of removing old layers no longer needed, to reveal the fresh and new underneath. Although sometimes I struggle with letting go, afraid that somehow I'll make the wrong choices, still it's liberating. Lightening my load. I believe that sometimes with letting go of physical things we also let go of thoughts and beliefs we had attached to those items as well. Letting go of objects that remind us of painful times, for example, can be a symbolic ritual of letting go of the painful thoughts and emotions regarding those times as well.

I am grateful for this furry little animal that just climbed onto my lap right now. This cat reminds me not to take myself to seriously (she seems to take herself pretty seriously...or maybe that's just me projecting my own stuff onto her). I am grateful to her coming to me and Insisting I show her some affection when she so desires I do so. At this time in my life I probably give more of myself to this gray bundle of fur than to anyone else. She teaches me patience and kindness...and just makes me laugh now and then.

I am grateful for creativity. Creativity is such an important part of my life. So much of what I do, even a lot of the ordinary and mundane things, I somehow put a spin of creativity into it, or at least I would like to. I seem to often be happiest when I am challenging my mind with how can I do this better, make this look cooler, what would be unique and look wonderful, etc. I don't often succeed at coming up with anything, but I at least like to try. Whether I am taking some baking soda, dish soap, and essential oils to make my own cleaning products to clean the sink with or re-arranging a store display in the hopes of making the place more inviting, comfortable, or beautiful or making a crazy collage out of old bingo cards and other ephemera the expression of creativity brings so much joy to me.

Okay, I think that's five...the amount I would normally do. I'll try to remember to do some more gratitude entries in the future.

Yesterday Was T-shirts

2008-10-16T01:51:00.000-06:00

So yesterday I daydreamed about...t-shirts. Designing t-shirts. I have a couple designs on www.cafepress.com that I did many, many years ago. I shan't show them to you because they're terrible...but I leave them up on cafepress because every now and then they sell.

In the past year I've been learning to use an image editing program called The GIMP which is like PhotoShop, but it's under a general public license, which means it's Free. And I've been getting so I'm decent at using it and becoming more creative with it. So I'm thinking, why not make some new designs that are better than my old ones for cafepress or any one of those other businesses like it out there.

So I spent much of the day reading up on t-shirts, image editing programs like Gimp and Inkscape (another free program that I downloaded today), learning about vector art, and downloading brushes and fonts and such. I even joined an online forum that's all about t-shirts. Yup. Another day where I got really useful stuff done (yeah right). But at least I expanded my horizons a bit more and had fun with it.

I'm not sure if by tomorrow I will have forgotten all about the t-shirts or not. Well, I won't forget completely...rather thoughts about it may be misplaced for a week or more. And in the meantime I'll find some other thing to occupy my mind and hands.

Book Finds! And Serene Photos.

2008-10-14T21:36:00.000-06:00

Okay so over the weekend I probably got rid of at least fifty books (probably more) by donating them to the local Deseret Industries thrift store...only to today go there and end up buying some more. But only a few! And one of which I've been wanting a copy of forever! (It's the Shabby Chic book shown on the far right...it's been written in, but that only adds to it's charm...plus I only got it for $1.50...a steal. If I had got it from amazon.com I would have had to pay that plus shipping.)

I'm not as excited about the Martha Stewart book, but for $1.00 and the original price being $17.99 I decided not to pass it up. I know I'll get some Good Things out of (sorry, couldn't resist).

And the Williams-Sonoma Entertaining book had so many good recipes in it that I just really, really wanted it. I want to make the Tomato Tart on page 225 sometime soon. And there are some recipes I'd like to try out for Thanksgiving...but I'm not really sure that will happen.

A few weeks ago I went to the annual Presbyterian church rummage sale, and afterwards decided to go to the Canyon Park somewhat nearby and sat watching and listening to nature. While I may not be as gifted as my numerous photographer friends and family (how is it so many people I know are great photographers?) I thought these pics I took on the spur of the moment aren't half bad. (You can click on them to view them larger.) So I thought I'd get around to uploading them and sharing them. The usually small river is just a small stream at the moment. But I still think it looks very pretty, and very serene.

“There is a serene and settled majesty to woodland scenery that enters into the soul and delights and elevates it, and fills it with noble inclinations.” ~ Washington Irving

Letting go...sort of.

2008-10-14T01:32:00.000-06:00

Recently the consignment store I help out with did a major clear out of merchandise consignors had in the store. And a lot of my own things that I had on consignment there were cleared out as well...some of it to my sadness (although honestly some of it really had to go, had been around too long, didn't fit the store's image, and/or was just a buying mistake in the first place).

I tried to part with some of it via a yard sale, but as it was a spur of the moment thing there wasn't really any time to do much in the way of advertising. (Although I think the signs I made were great...and I did get a lot of comments on them...how often do you drive by and see a suitcase sitting on the side of the road with a yard sale sign affixed to it?) And I'm kinda off the beaten track as well. So much of it got hauled off to charity after the yard sale was over.

But there were some things I just haven't seemed to be able to part with (even though I hardly have room for most of what I have). Yesterday as I sorted through things, trying to convince myself to part with even more, I decided to take two little vintage plates that got rejected from the store and put them on the wall in my room. (They look really great with my little Hello Kitty robot thingy doll, don't they?)

I still have a box full of stuff I haven't yet been able to convince myself to part with. But at least I can boast that a whole van full of stuff though is now gone...with a mix of things that had been in the store and from my personal belongings. It feels both good and sad at the same time to let so much of it go. But it feels like this is a time in my life where I'm ready to move on, new chapter, new stage in my life. And letting go of material things I no longer need is an important part of that. I've been letting go of much mental clutter over many months. It's time for some of that physical clutter to go too.

One more van full of stuff donated to charity...and I should be good. ;)

eclectic dreams

2008-10-14T01:02:00.000-06:00

For those who really know me, they know I have eclectic tastes, styles, and...dreams. I dream of doing and being many things. I'm constantly daydreaming about new ideas, new wishes, new business/career ideas, things to make, home decor ideas, new ways of viewing the world, thoughts, life, etc, etc, etc.

So here for the first time I venture into putting all those thoughts, dreams, etc. into full public view. Get a peek into the chaotic mind/world of this daydreamer.

Explore my world, as I explore it myself as well. Learn about me as I learn about me. See what I think about, dream about, explore. From the mundane, to the philosophical, to the purely frivolous, and perhaps at times to the pure silliness as well.

“Writing, like dreams, confronts, pushes you up against the evasions, self-deceptions, investments in opinions and interpretations, the clutter that blinds, that disguises that underlying, all-encompassing design. . .”
Toni Cade Bambara

eclectic dreams

$25

Follow Your Own Rules!

What you find at thrift stores...

Wild Junk

...In a Flash...

Hello Again

Friday's Adventure's

What? Where am I?

a little collection

More about the Problems of Perfection

The Problems of Perfection

say...anything...something

Transferring and Transforming

My day today

I Wish It Would Rain Down...

Tuesday's Projects

Keeping Your Keys Covered

Lamp Revolution Evolution

Sneeze Some Happiness On Me!

Pillowcase Skirts - Re-do and Vintage Dress

She's creepy...really creepy...but cute stuff follows...

To See, Even In This, Light

Game of Love?

From Weirdness to Healthness

Sweet Dreams Are Made Of These...

So Fake...

New Year's Day Transformations

New Year's Eve Contemplations

A Few Gifts Given and Recieved

How to Scare a Guy Away

Temple Wall

Hanukkah Cuteness

A Day Of Gratitude

Today's Self-Discovery

Altered Vision

From Falling To Pieces...To Finding Peace

Dazzled by Zazzle

Open Source Sewing

Vintage Wallpaper & Bingo Card Pockets

Journey Within

The unselfishness of giving to oneself?

Once Upon A Suitcase (or two or three)

Don't Vote

Halloween '08

Which Jane Austen Character Am I?

Willing to let go of Perfection

Suddenly etsy...

Beauty of Spirit in Clothing

Don't Believe Everything You Think

Cake Love - A Man With Passion

I <3 Google Reader

Miracles of Transformation Do Occur

oh, sheep!

A poster I made...

Attitude of Gratitude #1

Yesterday Was T-shirts

Book Finds! And Serene Photos.

Letting go...sort of.

eclectic dreams