My "Doodle It 100 Times Challenge"

I have come up with a challenge for myself based on something I read about on an artists blog. She said she will draw 100 versions of an icon/element as it helps her explore variations, ideas and to grow, etc. So I decided I am going to doodle various objects and doodle 100 of each object.

It kind of reminds me of when I used to do Muay Thai kickboxing and I had to kick the heavy bag 100 times with each leg. That was a challenge.

So, my first object is mushrooms. I have now doodled 17 mushrooms....and I am going crazy. I actually want to scream. (I know, that's silly.) I am not used to doodling. I am not used to drawing on paper. Ack!

It doesn't seem like it would be that hard. But I knew when I read that post on that artists blog that this would be a serious challenge for me. Even though I am not taking it too seriously because I am just trying to do simple doodles rather than draw something I would actually try to use in actual art or such. I am just being sloppy and messy and not putting too much thought into it (or rather *trying* not to put too much thought into it would be more accurate)...but it is such a struggle for me. It is strangely pushing myself way out of my comfort zone.

I like drawing vector art because it is easier for me to fix, tweak, adjust things to how I like it. I can delete things if they are really bad or make little adjustments using the "handles and nodes" on the lines I've drawn to adjust them to "just right" or "close enough." Paper on the other hand isn't as forgiving. Drawing on paper with a pen is even less so. I am trying to open myself up to letting go and just *do*. I think one reason why I don't doodle is I don't like to see my "mistakes" on paper. I don't like seeing that record of something I drew that doesn't look very good. Even though it is just a doodle and isn't supposed to look good. It makes me feel raw.

This is a really crappy picture, but here is what I have so far...17 or 18 mushrooms (I've done some clusters of mushrooms and I am counting each cluster as just one mushroom). Not only is the picture crappy, but you can tell that most of my doodles are crappy too. Which in a way, for me is kind of the point...to let go of perfection and "just do something." I spend too much time not doing things because I want to do things "a certain way"...maybe not perfectly, but to a certain level of standards I have in my own mind that is high enough that I quit before I start or shortly after I start and so I never finish. I am at a point in my life that finishing is more important than doing a good job. Once I get used to finishing things, and not be so intimidated by finishing things...then I can focus more and the level of skill and care involved.

As hard as this challenge is for me, even though I have just started it, I am also already loving it. I really am liking the push it gives me. It reminds me of when I have really been pushed in the past and made breakthroughs in what I can accomplish...those events have been rare in my life and I cherish them. It is up to me to make so I have more opportunities to experience events like them more often. Push myself beyond my own boundaries...even if it's just with simple doodles.

The Zen of Squidoo and the Art of Google-Fu

It has been a really long time (literally years) since I last wrote in this blog.

Recently some things have been happening at a site called Squidoo.com where I have written some content at. Things are in upheaval at Squidoo, Google and elsewhere. People are upset, worried or angry about things that are happening or may happen.

I've found myself responding to some things others are saying about what is going on and I wanted to share those thoughts with others because they apply to so many things, while much of it applies to those writing online for income a lot of it applies to almost anything in life.


Here is some of what I wrote in reply to someone asking if it worth their energy to continue writing at Squidoo because there may be future upheavals.



Whether you have your own websites or write on websites you don't own, like Squidoo, you will face upheavals. Spammers and scammers make so search engines like Google have to constantly change their algorithms so that they can give their users the best results (or become obsolete). Technology improves, resulting in changing algorithms and more, so upheavals results from those as well.

No matter what you do to earn money, whether online or offline, whether you work for yourself or someone else...there is a good chance you will face upheavals. People get laid off as new technology or competitors come along, as the economy goes in a natural flow of up and down and sometimes goes through an unnatural flow of up and down. Hackers take down servers, a war happens in a country you never heard of...but it costs a supplier money, which costs your employer or you more money, and it effects your earnings. Some things are less likely to have upheavals that others, or the upheavals are minor by comparison. Those that have the most potential for upheavals probably have the most rewards as well as risks.

The more you see it as stressful the more energy it will take from you. The more you can see it as part of "what is" and be at peace with it, the more you can flow with it and channel your energy more constructively and positively into growth and have either equal energy or even more energy.

In another part of the discussion I added:
There are only a few things in life I have control of, and that largely consists of myself and my thoughts (which then control my feelings and actions). I am learning that accepting "what is" puts me in a place of power, instead of being thrown off balance.

Much of this sort of philosophy I have learned elsewhere, but it is being reinforced by my experiences at Squidoo and with what has been going on with Google over the past few years (with their Penguins and Pandas). It is something that applies to all of life, online and off. Change is constant, like water moving in the ocean, water flowing in the stream.

Bruce Lee is well known for reciting these lines he wrote for a role he played in a tv series called Longstreet. I hope they will serve you like they have served me. 

"Don't get set into one form, adapt it and build your own, and let it grow, be like water. Empty your mind, be formless, shapeless — like water. Now you put water in a cup, it becomes the cup; You put water into a bottle it becomes the bottle; You put it in a teapot it becomes the teapot. Now water can flow or it can crash. Be water, my friend."

$25

Back in 2007 saw the documentary by BYU called Small Fortunes about the subject of microcredit. If you ever get the chance to see it I highly recommend watching it. http://www.pbs.org/kbyu/smallfortunes/index.html

I then found out about a microloan/microcredit setup called Kiva.org.

While not perfect, microloans and microcredit are one of the most successful methods tried for helping people get out of poverty. The repayments of microloans and microcredit are very high, considerably higher than that of traditional loans to businesses. They have an advantage over traditional charity in that people are more likely to be lifted up out of poverty rather than getting just a handout that helps them for a short time, but not usually long term.

So I did my research on Kiva. Looking up online articles including news articles, blog posts, and reviews about them to make sure that they were legitimate, reputable, and that I felt comfortable with them.

I was excited about this way in which I could help entrepreneurs in impovrished or third world countries. The idea of helping entrepreneurs is important to me because I have long had my own dreams of starting a business. To help someone else who has the same dream is awesome. Depending on the part of the world you are loaning to, the loan may even be as small as $5 for someone to start their own business. Most women receiving these loans start their businesses because they want to improve the lives of their children, to feed them and clothe them, and help them to receive education.

So in August 2007 I lent the small amount of $25 to a woman in Mexico looking to expand her business, other lenders joined me to complete the rest of the amount she was asking for. I sent invites out to my friends about it and quickly got emails telling me I was probably falling for a scam.

So I just went about my life as usual. Periodically I would get updates telling of her progress and when she had repaid parts of her loan. And in February 2008 I received notice that her loan had been fully repaid. It was great to know I was able to help this woman and her family. I was then given the choice to receive my money back, or to re-loan it.

It's now four years later. Since it's once again August I find it fitting I have just received notice that another loan has been fully repaid. It has come full circle. That same $25 has now helped four women in four different countries to help them and their families out of poverty. Though it's not a lot I have now loaned $100 through Kiva...but always with that same $25.

So now I am about to search for yet another recipient for that $25 and hope that it will help them achieve their dreams as well, just as it has for these five (yes, I'm including me) women.

Follow Your Own Rules!

I think this is so cool! I created my first skateboard design using Zazzle.com today!

Here's the link.
http://www.zazzle.com/my_own_rules_skateboard-186973657444045909

There's a story here...

When I was a teenager I really wanted to learn to skateboard. But I didn't know any girls who rode a skateboard. And I was super shy and not doing *anything* to call attention to myself was my own self imposed taboo. (Well, I occasionally let myself dress a little wild. I remember wearing a military jacket and a pair of tall black boots from the 60s that I'd found at thrift stores. But by then I had convinced myself I was so invisible people wouldn't notice what I wore...just what I did.) And I was too caught up in believing I had to "follow the rules" i.e. what I thought others expected of me...and skateboarding was the last thing people expected of me. Everyone always described me as shy, nice, sweet and reserved...not that crazy girl who does things like ride skateboards. I thought I had to live up to the descriptions everyone gave of me, despite the inner angst that I wanted to live a life of something different, something more.

I'm now 36 and a part of me says... "Even though I know there are some women my age who skateboard, they've been doing it a long time and it's probably a little more acceptable for girls/women to skateboard where they live (i.e. California). I'm too old to take it up for the first time now." But then I am reminded of the quote by George Eliot (the pen name of a woman named Mary Anne Evans who wrote under the pseudonym of a man so she could follow her dreams of being taken seriously as a writer) that says, "It's never too late to be who you might have been."

So, maybe someday I'll take up skateboarding. In the meantime, there are other ways in which I'll follow what it says on that skateboard design I created...I'll follow my own rules. I am a thrift store fashion lover. I'm a fan of anime and kickboxing. I love romantic home decor...if it's pink and has roses on it I'm almost certain to love it. I'm eclectic and paradoxical. I now am also a part-time writer, and dabbler as an artist/designer for t-shirts and other things, and I've got plans in the works to start my own dream business that I envision being quirky and cool at the same time.

I definitely don't fit in a box or template of anyone's making...except God's.

Yeah, I'm starting to follow my own rules of how I want to be living.

What you find at thrift stores...

Isn't it amazing what you can find at thrift stores?
My mom had three floral plates from a trunk her great grandparents. They have no markings so they probably are not something special. But they are pretty. The kind I am attracted to.
So a week or so ago I was at the Deseret Industries thrift store and I spied the plate that you see here...a plate that is exactly like the kind from my great grandparents, except it's in better condition. It's now sitting on the plate rack in my mother's dining room with the original three.
As the in store ads at Deseret Industries would say, shopping there is like a box of chocolates...you never know what you'll get. (Yes, it seems they stole that from Forrest Gump.)

Wild Junk

Tuesday my friend Stephen and his dad and I went to an "I am running away from home sale." This turned out to be quite an adventure and not your usual yard sale.
The man lived in a double wide mobile home that was being foreclosed on and was selling almost everything inside and outside the house. The place was trashed and frankly filthy...it was the kind of place many of my friends would run away from the moment they saw it.

There wasn't much there I was interested in (although I wish I could have gotten the old dresser and night stand he had inside).
But outside was a pile of stuff that had belonged to someone whose RV had broken down. And he just left what he couldn't take in this man's yard. So this man told us that everything in the pile was free. The first thing I spotted was this odd creature staring out at me from underneath the pile. I did not take him home with me, but I did pull him of the mess so I could take his picture.

While Stephen and his dad went to the shed to look at what was in the shed I started digging through the pile. It was covered in snow. Within minutes my gloves were soaked wet and probably worthless. I took them off...and lost them at some point. But I found, and came home with, the oddest pieces of junk. One of the first things I spied was some groovy looking fabric. I pulled it out and saw that it was a hippie looking shirt from the 60s. One of Stephen's friends is in charge of the costumes for the plays put on at the local university and I knew she needed stuff from that era for the next play they'll be doing. So that was the first awesome score I made.
This pile had the most eclectic mix of stuff. There were drawers of clothings, coffee cans filled with nuts and bolts, spray paint, stuffed animals, electric razors, bars of soap, etc. But I found some "good" junk too.

I found a plastic tray that had lots of vintage buttons (I am so loving these buttons), rocks (including a nice hunk of amethyst crystals...this is great since my dad loves stuff like this) , and just weird things like parts for musical gadget piggy banks (put a coin through and it triggers music...because they're old some of them are dying so the music sounds hilarious when it starts to play). When I got home and sorted through the stuff in this tray I also found a Storm Trooper's head. For some reason I thought that was one of the best things in the tray other than the buttons.

I also got a cool old, metal milk crate (which was handy to carry all the junk I got). There was a vintage lamp (that works). Some neat old tins and oil cans. A very old, gold picture frame. An old colander and bottle opener. And a coffee can full of mini liquor bottles...that aren't old...I have no idea what I am going to do with them. And many other miscellaneous things that I can't recall.

Stephen got a crate full of stuff out of the pile too. But he's more practical than me and ended up with things like paint rollers that were still in their packaging. And his crate wasn't an old, metal one like mine.

Stephen gave the guy five bucks for the stuff we took, even though he said it was free. (Stephen's an awesome guy that way and I was thinking of doing the same, but he beat me to it.)

Now despite the fact that it seems like I picked up a lot of absolute junk, I should be able to sell most of it. The milk crate and the buttons alone made the whole trip and picking through some odd things worthwhile.

It was a totally fun day for an oddball like me.

...In a Flash...

So, as some of you know, awhile ago I began to be interested in round knitting looms. And I even made my own knitting looms out of tin cans and cotter pins or nails. I even wrote instructions on how to make your own here.

But then I came across a blog here that had instructions for a unique way of making what the author calls flexible knitting looms. These looms are flexible because lack a frame. They are made up of pegs (made from things like ball point pens or cocktail stirrers), beads that are used as spacers, and rubber bands to hold it all together.

In my opinion, based on the ones I made, they are a little bit awkward to use. But still they have their advantages. Including being able to make them any size you want...just add more pegs and you have a larger loom for larger items.

Using the flexible knitting loom idea I made a mini-loom with less than a dozen plastic cocktail stirrers and some hair rubber bands I got at the grocery store, some pony beads from the craft store. I also made one that creates smaller stitches by using nails as my pegs...kinda odd, but it works. And with these mini knitting looms I made a couple "flash drive or Chapstick cozies."

Pictured here is a knit little cozy that holds my flash drive. The cozy is attached to my keys so I hopefully won't lose this one like I did my other one (which I think fell out of my purse).

It's made out of some blue and brown, nubby like yarn that I found at the thrift store and then added an old button to close it and keep it's contents secure inside.

Not only does this little cozy hold a flash drive, but, because of it's small size, it's something that can be knitted up in a flash too.

Hello Again

Well, it's been almost a year since I last wrote in this blog. And I've been asked to please write in my blog again! So here it is. A bit of an update about what I've been up to.

While last year one of my friend's closed her consignment store that sold vintage, antiques and other things I have since made a new friend who has started a similar store and I am helping her out now and then there too with displays and the like. It is called Aunt B's Treasures and is owned by Barbara Rowland. It's located at 389 N. 100 W. Suite #4 in Cedar City, Utah.

It opened I think in the fall of last year, but she just had a more official grand opening recently that was written up about in a local newspaper that you can see at the left. Things were slow at first, perhaps a bit because of its off the beaten path location, but things seem to be picking up now and there are a lot of neat things in this store.

I have also put a few things on consignment at another new store in Cedar City called Re{cycled} Consign and Design. Although it's small, this is such a cool store. It's more like something you might find at 9th and 9th in Salt Lake City. A photographer name Noelle Reynold's took some really cool pics of the shop and put them on her blog here. http://www.noellereynoldsphoto.com/2009/12/recycled.html (Note the bedsprings hanging from the ceiling in some of the pics.) You can also see more pics at the store's blog here http://recycledconsignanddesign.blogspot.com

I have some pics from both of these stores that I have taken myself that I will hopefully get up sometime soon too.

Friday's Adventure's

(This post took forever to get up because I was having issues uploading pics from my camera to my computer.)

Today I went to the shop Affordable Treasures in the little town of Parowan to drop off my contract form for a booth/space for the flea market they will be starting there in June. The location is just behind the store where this is this crumbling old courtyard like space with lots of character and loads of potential charm.

You can see the courtyard in the picture here. The little street signs startled me when I saw them. Street signs in Parowan are really that short (about my height, so they are only about five feet or so).

The week before Ancestor Market had closed its doors for good I had mentioned to one of our customers that there was going to be a flea market starting in Parowan. It turns out she writes for the local newspaper and so she ended up writing an article about it...which I certainly encouraged her to do, because I want this to succeed...me being a buff for things like this.

So today when I walked in the door the owner, Phyllis, began thanking me for having mentioned the article to the girl who wrote it. And she thanked me again when I left. :D

I am so excited for this flea market. I have been to very few flea markets and this will be the first one where I'll go as a vendor. It is going to be a ton of hard work to get it together, but it will be worth it, I know it.

Inside Affordable Treasures they also have a little mini deli/cafe space where you can get espressos and panini sandwiches. I ordered a grilled sandwich that was made with a french roll, swiss and provolone cheese, and a sauce made with red bell peppers and think cream cheese. It was delicious. They also have Italian sodas, which I adore. So I will have to go there sometime and order one of those as well. They had an almond syrup so I think I would like to try that one, since I've had Italian sodas made with hazlenut syrup and Love those.

After leaving Affordable Treasures I went to where Ancestor Market used to be to check out what the new resident has done with the place. It is now a little sewing and knitting store called Stichin It Up. And it looks great. I should have taken pic's, but I didn't.

After I got home I decided to get around to doing some sewing I've been wanting to get done. The project I was going to work on I realized I didn't know if the fabric I had for it was pre-shrunk or not, so I washed it and while waiting for it to dry. So instead I worked on making a little vendor's apron to use for the flea market. The fabric I used was originally a curtain valance that I got for fifty cents at the local Catholic Thrift store. I just used the part where the curtain rod would have gone through to put a ribbon which makes it a drawstring waisted apron. And I made it so it has a total of six pockets.

I had no idea what I was doing, and there are some things I would have changed a bit, but I think it worked out pretty well and also turned out pretty cute.

What? Where am I?

Life has been so chaotic lately. The consignment vintage and antique store I've worked at for the past three to four years has finally closed. I had planned to spend the week before it closed organizing things at home so I'd have a place for anything I had for sale at the store that was still around. But I got sick and spent my week conserving my energy to close the store down and haul my stuff out of there. Once I hauled my stuff out of the store I took some it down to a new consignment store in town. It's a great place, but has a different clientele, so a lot of my stuff doesn't fit in there and also wouldn't sell for as much there. After that some of the stuff got unloaded into a storage shed. But the rest stayed in my van as I got sick yet again and had to recuperate from that. I finally have most of it out of the van. Everything is disorganized chaos.

Job hunting has not gone so well...especially with being sick.

I have been doing a bit more writing for eHow http://www.ehow.com/members/dreamsinbloom.html when my brain is functioning. Brain fog has not been much of a symptom with my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, but this month it has very much been present. I don't exactly cherish the moments that I have brain fog as I very much come across as a ditzy blond when I do (any maybe I come across as a ditzy blond even when I am more "normal" anyway). But there are worse things in the world and as I said it's infrequent for me so it's not so bad.

I've been researching other online writing opportunities. I am going with the "shared revenue" places first because that helps me gain confidence and skills in my writing. And then I'll have a "portfolio" of my writing should I decide to pursue more freelance stuff.

And I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I'll feel well enough to participate in the new flea market that will be in the nearby town. That will be a great way to help get rid of the extra stuff I have left over at the store.

a little collection

One of the things I collect are vintage Z.C.M.I. hangers. Okay...I only have four of them. But I would like more and keep my eye out for them. I suppose it's partly nostalgia that has me collecting them. Z.C.M.I. (which stands for Zions Cooperative Mercantile Institution) was one of the earliest department stores ever. And is a place most people who are from Utah are very familiar with. But alas it is no more. I will never shop there, or at the shopping mall of the same name, again. Of course, when I was old enough to shop at ZCMI they never had hangers like these...only the plastic kind that I can't imagine anyone every collecting.

I also like the graphic appeal of the lettering. I have one in red, with a formal style lettering, but the letters are playfully not in a straight line. Another with formal lettering but the letters light blue and are more well behaved and stay in a straight line. And two with light blue lettering in a cursive font. I wonder what other types of lettering and colors might be out there.

I like how they look with my denim jackets. I own four of those too, which to me seems like a lot of denim jackets to have, but I love them and wear them all...although there are two in particular that I wear the most...so I suppose it's not too excessive.

I never got around to mentioning that I wrote a tutorial on how to make your own custom fabric tape for Cut Out and Keep here. It's cute and simple, so check it out.

In other news, I just turned 35 this month. It seems strange to think that in just another five years I'll be forty.

More about the Problems of Perfection

How ironic. Even though I was sent a newsletter with a link to this article about perfectionism http://www.sedona.com/perfectionism-and-depression.aspx I did not read it until just now. But it perfectly relates to what I was saying about perfection in my previous blog post.

I like how it says to strive for your best, but not perfection. Or at least, that's the way I read it.

The link above, by the way, is from a site that promotes a great way for working through negative beliefs/thoughts. I don't use that method much anymore as I found I like The Work better. But I'd still recommend it and I do use it still now and then.

The Problems of Perfection

I've been wanting to explore the world of collage art for quite awhile now. I've done just a couple things, like the little wallpaper and bingo card pockets I made awhile back ago. And this one shown here done even before the bingo card pockets. But I didn't get too creative or daring with them. I'm holding back. Intimidated by putting something together. Afraid I won't create anything near like the examples of collage art that I've been seeing on the Internet that I have liked so much. And mostly I'm afraid of wasting my materials...that if I create something I don't like I'll wish that I could reuse the materials in another way. But once the paper and bits and bobs are glued, pasted, painted, etc. in place, there's not much chance of them being used again.

So I have these vintage wallpapers, flash cards, old dictionaries that are falling apart, and lots of other things that would be so good for collage art, that are just sitting around waiting...waiting for me to get a clue that I should not be so scared of messing up. It's a game, it's being playful. It is not about perfection. Whenever I get worried about perfection is when I give up. I slam the door almost always when I know I cannot do things perfectly. I'm not as bad about this as I used to be...but I'm still strongly held back by this. Even if I am just doing something solely for myself. Perfection inspires some to strive for and fulfill their dreams...perfection for me though...perfection makes me a quitter.

Zig Ziglar has a quote, “Anything worth doing, is worth doing poorly until you learn to do it well.” That quote has helped free me a bit from paralyzing perfection...the kind of perfection that brings you to the point that you become paralyzed by the wish for it. I had found only two "cures" to that paralyzing perfection. Quit and turn around and distract yourself from what you really want. Or just say, Screw perfection...I'm going to have fun with it and do a poor job...because that's better than doing nothing at all.

I envy those who are motivated and propelled forward by their desire for perfection. But as for me, since that doesn't seem to be an option, I'll propel myself forward with every bit of my imperfection. After all, I am inspired by imperfect things and styles such Shabby Chic, and wabi sabi. And the classic children's book The Velveteen Rabbit where a well loved stuffed animal with its nose rubbed off and its fur all worn discovers it's being loved is more important than being all shiny and perfect.

And collage art itself hardly looks like it is about perfection. It's messy and crazy and eclectic...a lot like me.

I'd rather abandon perfection for something more authentic...something that is more like me.

Now...if I can only remember that. If I can only let perfection fall to the floor, and let it shatter...and I'll pick it's shiny broken pieces up and use it to make a beautiful collage like mosaic that's inspired from my heart and my dreams...and not what I worry other people will think of me.

say...anything...something

All right, it has been almost a month since I last wrote anything so I figured I'd drop by, write a little...even if I have little say.

I am still uncertain whether the little store I've been working at will be staying open. Everything is up in the air.

I keep having weird dreams like I walk *through* a boulder with a door like center that's sort of like quartz that makes so my negative thoughts are taken away. Most of my life I have felt "stuck" and I think the dream signifies that I am starting to feel "unstuck" as a result of working through my negative thoughts.

I feel like major changes are going to be happening in my life sometime soon...I'm just not quite sure what.

I recently decided to try to make a digital collage sheet to sell on etsy. This is a digital picture of images that people can print to make their own collages for art, scrapbooking, etc. So using some old vintage images of French corsets I then created some manila mailing tag images and combined them together so it looks like what you see in the image below. I've sold about four of these so far...some on etsy.com and also on shophandmade.com. I just sold one on etsy last night and have to re-list it. The nice thing about it is I don't have to pack it and ship it. I just email it to the buyer...and they can print it as many times as they like. I think they look cool.

Transferring and Transforming

So lately there have been two main things I've been focusing on.
On the crafty, creative side I've been learning about various methods of transferring an image onto another surface. One method I've tried is simply to print your image onto regular tranparency sheet (like you use for overhead projectors) with an inkjet printer and let the ink dry. Then lay the image onto another surface, and like a rub on decal, use a spoon or popsicle stick to rub the ink onto the surface.

Another idea is to take a photocopy and then use some sort of solvent to transfer that image to something else, but again using elbow grease to rub the image on. Eh, but I don't like most solvents...unhealthy chemicals. So I found out that some people have sometimes successfully used Goo Gone...maybe it's unhealthy to some degree too, but not nearly as bad as xylene. So I tried that with some decent results. But then I read from some Australian site that eucalyptus oil could be used. So I got confused and was thinking that eucalyptus oil and tea tree oil were the same thing...so I tried tea tree oil and found it worked too! (And later read that others have used it as well.) The tea tree oil seemed to work somewhat better than the Goo Gone. And although I haven't tried it, apparently you can use wintergreen oil too for photocopy transfers. Of course, the ink that is used on the photocopy makes a big difference too in how well this will work.

I did this image transfer with a "collage" I made on the computer using a picture of a Victorian woman in a corset and holding a mirror and adding some wings to her. I added the phrase "True Beauty...Is Found Within." The transfer didn't work so well. I was trying the photocopy and Goo Gone method. There were a lot of "swirls" that can't be seen. The face wasn't transferring at all so I put some tea tree oil on the face and so that part is pretty clear now. The rest of the paper was too messed up from rubbing it with a spoon to "save it" by using tea tree oil on the rest of it. Plus, my arms, wrists, and hands were getting tired from holding the paper and rubbing vigorously with a spoon. My left arm and wrist still hurt somewhat even as I type this. But still, I am pretty satisfied with how it turned out. I like it on the rose fabric too.

The other thing I've been focusing on lately is dealing with negative thoughts about my junior high and high school years. This has recently become a necessity because lately just about everyone I know on Facebook and other social websites I belong to is reminiscing about the "good ol' days." And it is not really exaggerating when I say that when they do I have frequently come close to bawling with sorrow or screaming with resentment and rage. It has become hard to remain in denial any longer about how I really felt about those days. I made it through that time perioud by emotionally numbing myself and drowing myself in books.

I know other people had it worse than me back then, but still my own hurt and anger won't be denied anymore. Which is no doubt a good thing. It's time to heal. It may hurt to face it, but it hurts more and slowly poisons me to let it linger...slowly suffocating me as it has over the years. In the past it has always been a dull ache. Bringing it to the surface is sharp and fierce, but facing it is the only way to take it out completely and finally be free of all pain once and for all.

As I transfer images from paper or plastic onto fabric and other surfaces, I think about the images in my mind...the images from high school and junior high school.

I told Asher once that the only way to change the past is to change how you view it. Slowly but surely I am changing how I view my past. So the images transform from something once painful and instead into something that can inspire me and give me strength and courage. Instead of seeing my school years as a time where I was in heartbreaking desolate aloneness, I can instead see myself as safely cocooned until I was ready to start emerging. For honestly, I don't think I was very ready to be engaged socially and otherwise with my peers. And it really probably was kinder for me to not be going to all the parties and dances and proms and other such things when I was so inadequately unprepared for that kind of thing, even though I wished for it and wish for it still.

As I continue to work through the negative thoughts I'm sure I will continue to see the wisdom and find peace in learning and knowing that the way things were then were exactly how they were meant to be in order me to have grown into the very person I am now. My books and imagination fed me and nurtured me during those years. My "numbness" was my "sleep" during that time of "cocooning." And that is a more loving way to view things.

A favorite quote of mine has long been this one by Anais Nin, "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." But sometimes I forget that there was a time that I had to remain tight in a bud, or there never could have been a time to blossom. To everything there is a season.

So I am grateful that something has conspired to have everyone seemingly start reminiscing about that time period all at once. Because it has been a great opportunity to look back at the memories that reside within myself in a new more loving way.

True beauty is found when you search within.

My day today

Ah. Despite a bad start to the day because my vehicle wouldn't start so I was ten minutes late to work...Today was a great day for sales at the store I work at and where I sale stuff on consignment too. The morning was busy with customers. I sold lots of suitcases of mine to a lady who like me is a suitcase fanatic. I still have a fair amount of suitcases left though.

Other customers also bought a lot of other bits and bobs of mine. As well as buying lots of other stuff from other consignor's there too.

So it was quite a very pleasantly surprising good day of sales. I hope for some more like that.

When things got slow I took a moment to goof off by putting on this adorable vintage hat that is for sale there now and taking a pic. It's not the most flattering picture, but decent.
You can also see my fingerless gloves that I wear because my hands are always cold. They're smudged with dirt from the vintage and antique things in the store. It always seems clean in the store...until I start moving things around.

But I didn't goof around for long. With all the stuff that sold I had to find new places for all the things that were displaced.

I had a fun day.

I Wish It Would Rain Down...

Maybe it's a funny to thing to remember in the beginning of February when it's still cold in Utah and there is snow on the ground outside...but my thoughts are drawn now to times I would go out and dance in the rain in the spring and summer.

I remember times when in the middle of the night I would realize it was raining. And I'd open my basement window, push out the screen, and crawl out onto the wet grass. And there in the backyard, in bare feet and wearing a nightgown, I would dance and spin as the rain came down.

It was my moment of freedom, my moment of solace, my moment of being absolutely true to me. No cares in the world, no worries about what other people were thinking of me. It was just me with the night and the rain and the grass. I belonged there.

There was only one time I can recall where I did not dance in the rain by myself. And that was with my friend Kim (and a guy named Todd?). I don't know how it started, but I somehow suspect I was actually the instigator. I know I was at Kim's house with a bunch of her friends and the rain was pouring down outside. In fact there was rain and thunder too. Somehow Kim and I ended up on her lawn in the pouring rain while the rest of our friends watched on, questioning our sanity. The gutter was flooding with water and we splashed around in it, soaking our jeans. Rain glistened in our hair and on our skin. At last we had enough of our fun and walked up to the porch. I still remember the way her mom looked in shock as she opened the door and saw her daughter, and as she stammered in an almost child like voice, "K-Kimmy, you're-you're all wet! I-I-I don't like it!" I thought it was too funny.

That night is probably one of my favorite memories I have with a friend. Again in that moment I had no cares in the world and no worries about what other people were thinking of me. I knew they thought I was crazy and I didn't care. I was in love with life and that one other person was sharing that joy with me. We had joy and fun and total freedom. We belonged in that moment to the rain and the night and the lightning and thunder. We belonged not to others good opinions of us...but we were in a place, a moment, of belonging.

I want to remember that I don't need rain to obtain those kinds of moments again. It is not something that comes with the change in the weather...it comes from a place from within.

Let the rain fall down
Everywhere around you
Give into it now
Let the day surround you
You don't need a reason
Let the rain go on and on

Tuesday's Projects

I went back to being creative and making things again.

Tuesday's project was making a pair of yoga pants (long shorts) based on this tutorial here. I made mine out of a large D.A.R.E. t-shirt. Not bad considering I was very confused most of the time. I want to do another pair...and have it come out better than these. The t-shirt was a bit warped from being washed, so I had to "make it work." (I so will never be on Project Runway to hear Tim Gunn say those words to me personally.)

But they're kinda cute, neh? And they're my first real t-shirt reconstruction project. And a somewhat complicated one (for me) at that.

After that the nerdy, but still creative, side of me came out. And I hopped onto the computer and made a virtual reality 3d soda bottle with a 3d creation program called Blender. It needs some tweaking (for one thing it goes through the hand of the avatar/person holding it). I could make it an object that just sits on a table. But it's not bad considering a year ago when I tried to use Blender I could not make heads or tails of the program and truly felt like my brain had been blended when I tried to use it.

And that sums up my creative endeavors for the day.

Keeping Your Keys Covered

I've just been making two kinds of covers for keys.

First I was looking at those plastic covers that covers the top of the keys. And I started to wonder if I could make some myself. When I saw some that were made of leather stitched together I knew it could be done, so I made two practice versions made of felt. They need some adornment, but they turned out well enough...and very simple to make.

The next one is a key cozy. I saw some on a Japanese crafting website and thought it was pretty interesting. So I decided to make my own, but again I turned to using felt to make it easier.

I don't know how the Japanese use these, but this could be worn as a "necklace" or around your wrist, or loop around your purse handles...or just toss in your bag.

I posted a how to tutorial on how to do the key cozy here.

Lamp Revolution Evolution

So one of the thrift stores in town is closing until they can find another place (probably looking for more affordable rent). Although I rarely find anything to purchase there I thought I'd check it out since things were on sale. I thought I was going to leave with only a packet of vintage trim for sewing, when I suddenly spied this floor lamp in a jumble of junk in a corner. (I wish I had a better picture of it from the side.)

I snagged it for $1. Now honestly I'd be scared to try to use it for a lamp. So thankfully that isn't what I intended to use it for. I removed the cord. And I tried to remove the area that the light bulb and lampshade would go into...but it wouldn't co-operate so I left if for now. I may try to remove it again later if I can think of a way to do it so it will look less like a lamp.

Because now...it is a place to hang skirts and shirts that we have in the store. It's too short for the dresses and nighties. But it helps out a lot. And hopefuly it's unique in a good way?