From Falling To Pieces...To Finding Peace

So today I thought I'd take on a new project. I've been wanting to learn how to sew. I know the bare basics. But frankly, I've been far too intimidated in the past to have a desire to really dabble in sewing. But today I decided is the day I am really going to do it. I picked out what is supposed to be an easy sewing project too. Should only take an hour or two. But here it is many, many hours later (it's now one in the morning and I think I started at four p.m.)...I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, but it's absolutely, completely obvious that I have *majorly, completely, absolutely* botched the whole thing up. It's a mess and needs to be rescued.

But here's the amazing thing. I'm fine. I'm calm. I am almost totally at peace.

This is unusual.

Before learning effective ways to deal with negative thinking I'd either a) have become a blubbering mess, bawling and crying over my frustration at how confused I am, how messed up my little project is, etc. or b) just frustrated, fed up, and giving up. Or a combination of both. If it were the first thing I'd be worse off than the poor little project I'm working on. I'd have fallen to pieces.

Having worked on negative beliefs such as I shouldn't make mistakes, that making mistakes is bad, I'm an idiot for making mistakes, others will dislike me intensely if I make mistakes (lots of illogical beliefs like this one haunted me in the past), etc. has so I am now instead curious about my current reactions. It's so interesting to see me be calm, when in the past I would have been so extremely upset. My reaction is kind of like, "Hmm, will you look at that. I'm not tearing my hair out, wanting to scream or yell (at myself, the fabric, the sewing machine, or any other person or thing). Well, what do you know."

It's certainly a refreshing feeling. Instead of feeling ragged and raw, I feel instead more like I've been spending a summer afternoon relaxing on a porch, sipping from a tall glass of cool lemonade. (I know, odd analogy since it's fall, but there you have it.)

So cheers! Here's to projects falling to pieces and feeling at peace. :)